And It All Falls Down
by WOLFboyLUVER
Summary: Bella and Edward love eachother so much that hate fills their relationship. After all the brusies,screaming cuts and tears,Bella winds up in the hospital,causing Edward's painful and violent childhood to resurface. Will Edward get he help he needs? ExB
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1. **

**Bella **

It hadn't always been like this, you know. We weren't always at each others throats, breaking crap in our shitty little apartment. Well, for me at least. I didn't really know how it was for Edward when he lived with his parents. I had a glimpse of what he let me see, I had a slight in sight from the scars all over his body and the bruises from when I first met him. God, when we first met it was like…it was like a bomb went off inside of me. It was like nothing but us mattered. Of course, my parents hated him because of the way he even breathed and they thought it was just my "_seventeen year old girl needs a punk boyfriend to piss of her parents_" phase, so they tried to prevent us from seeing each other, but it didn't exactly work out well.

I was the girl you would expect to graduate top of her class, was bubbly and friendly but still shy and conservative but when Edward Cullen moved to Forks, my perfect life that made me want to rip out my hair every time I woke up in the morning, everything changed. He hated me at first, sending me glares and I heard he even said aloud that he hated me. I didn't care though…at first.

Rene, my mother, was a kindergarten teacher at Forks Elementary while my father, Charlie, was the Chief of police in that armpit of a town. I put on my bright smiles and good grades for my parents and I let them have a picture of what they wanted in a daughter, but Edward changed me from that.

It really all started the last week of school. Edward had walked into school wearing his regular white v neck tee, a black leather jacket-even though it was far too hot to wear something like that outside-dark jeans and a pair of combat boots that made such a terrible thud every time he took a step, people knew when to cower in fear.

I was shifting through my locker, looking for my college prep book for trig class while talking to Jessica about what we would be doing all summer (probably just trespassing into people's back yards and use their pools while they were away on vacation, or laying out to tan at La Push) when I felt my locker slam closed right in front of me. I cringed away from the loud crash of the metal and looked to see who had slammed it closed, sending the person an immediate glare of hatred. Edward Cullen, the boy every girl wanted but was too shy to approach, was standing inches away from me, a cigarette hanging limply from his lips. He reeked of it and I wrinkled my nose in disgust at him.

"What do you want, Cullen?" I asked as Jessica gave me a look that clearly stated "_I'm backing away VERY slowly now! Bye bye!_". I focused my attention back to this guy and saw he had pulled away his black Ray Bans to show his beautiful emerald green eyes. He gave his little crooked grin he used to get the sluts of the school lured into the back of his stupid silver Volvo, COUGH! Lauren Mallory. COUGH, COUGH!

His threw his cigarette at his feet and leaned against the blue metal of the lockers, making them all creak at his weight. He looked me over, head to toe, immediately making me regret wearing such a stupid and short skirt to school today. He looked like a cat ready to lurch at a mouse or something, but I was stubborn and held my ground.

"Hello? Earth to Cullen? I have places to be, asshole! So if you wouldn't mind getting the fuck off my locker." I said deadpan. His attention snapped back to my face immediately and his grin grew even wider now. For a smoker, his teeth were the perfect shade of white. He rolled his eyes at me and licked his lips before speaking and flashing his eyes back and forth from me to the now almost empty hallway.

"Look swan," he said pulling out another cigarette from his pocket but I swatted it away from his hand and kicked it under the lockers with my pink ballet flat before he could light that bitch up. He looked up at me and spoke under his breath. "What _the fuck _did you do that for?" he said in a harsh tone. I rolled my eyes and spoke in a sarcastic tone.

"I'd prefer _not _to get second hand smoke damage to lungs anytime soon. If you want to fuck up your body, that's your business, not mine." I said trying to reach my locker now that he had shifted his weight a little off of it but he caught my attempt and leaned on it even further now, his grin growing impossibly wider again.

"Tsk, tsk." he said wagging his finger at me as the tardy bell rang over head. I had never been tardy to one class in my entire high school career, so I guess one class wouldn't matter. Plus, I'd get bitched at way more for not having my book versus being tardy. In fact, if Cullen kept me long enough, I would just grab my purse from my locker after this and skip. The day was basically over anyways for me.

"Now, I'll let you get into your stupid locker after you hear what I have to say, Little Miss High and Mighty." he said in a sarcastic tone now. I wanted to roll my eyes at the nick name he gave me, but I used all my will to remain my poker face at the moment.

"Okay," I said in a hesitant tone. "So what do you want then?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest now and pretended like I really wanted to know what he was going to say. It probably came off as sarcastic though. His eyes rested on my chest for a moment through my thin pink sweater to the low cut tee I was wearing and I scoffed, finally allowing myself to roll my eyes.

"Well," he said taking a breath and finally looked up at my face instead of my tits. "I wanted to ask what you were doing this Friday night?" he said smiling at me now with a more polite little grin you'd expect boys like Mike Newton to put on. You know, the nice boys who played sports like soccer and held a girl's hand and didn't fuck whorey little tramps like Lauren Mallory with her leather minni-skirts and low cut halters that made guys drool. I was probably her good girl equal, now that I thought of it.

I looked over Edward's face, thinking his stupid friends, James, Emmet and Jasper probably put him up for this. In fact I think I looked around the hall and listened in our silence for a minute, hoping to see or hear those idiots waiting for my response. But there was nothing, no one. Just Edward and I.

"You're serious?" I scoffed at him, raising an eyebrow in hesitation. He rolled his eyes at me and pursed his lips for a moment then nodded as he ducked his head and kicked his chunky combat boot out form under him. "Look, if you are gunna reject me, just do it already, alright?" he asked in an angry tone. I sighed and closed my eyes for a minute. I felt really bad for pissing him off but then again, I was pissed of too. I opened my mouth to do what he had told me to but when he looked up at me, there was something in those beautiful green eyes, a softness almost, that made me turn to putty. It made me think there was more to Edward Cullen besides fucking, drugs, a leather jacket and booze. that's when I said what I thought I'd never say.

"Nope." I said popping the 'p' at the end of the word. "No real plans for Friday…_yet_." I said as he looked up at me with the most genuine smile I had ever seen on this guy.

"Well would you like to go with me to go grab a burger or something?" he asked a little bit happier now. I smiled and scoffed for a minute then eagerly smiled back.

"Yeah." I said looking down at my pale legs then looked up at him again. "Yeah, that sounds good." I said smiling up at him and he…smiled back.

That Friday night, I had lied to Charlie and Rene for the first time in my entire life, after picking the perfect outfit that is. It seemed that even so early into the relationship, Edward Cullen was causing me to change with a snap of his pale, long fingers. I told them I was going to meet up with Jess and Angela, another one of my girlfriends, for a girls night out-as how it was every Friday-and took my truck to meet Edward at the back of Dean's Burger Joint.

Honestly, I didn't expect to see him standing there, leaning on the hood of his Volvo smoking on a cigarette again, waiting for me. When he hear the click of my heels hitting the gravel-yes, I wore heels to a _burger joint_-he instantly flicked the drag down and stomped it out with his boots. He looked me over after quickly getting up off the car and raked his eyes over me. I guess he liked my jean shorts and blue and white striped tank…

"You look…" he said looking over me again for a long minute then shook his head and changed the subject. "I got the burgers already." he said holding up a greasy bag of what looked like burgers and fries probably. I looked at him confused and looked at the kids from school I knew walking in with their dates.

"Aren't we going inside?" I asked pointing to the door lightly and then looked back at him. He scoffed and shook his head lightly, causing his already messed up hair to become even more disheveled…and _hot_.

"Naw," he said opening the passengers side door and gesturing for me to get in. I hesitated fro a minute, contemplating on weather or not I should trust my life to this guy I'd always thought hated me, and shared the feeling mutually with. But I sighed and decided it was a _what-the-hell kind _of night. I mean I had already ditched class once this week and lied to my parents.

"Then where are we headed, Cullen?" I asked as I slid into the passengers seat. He closed the door lightly then walked over to his side and slipped in. I looked around the car and took in a deep breath, half expecting the smell of sweat or semen or something to hit me, but it just smelled like…leather. There wasn't any used condoms on the floor, or empty bottles of booze or even one bag filled with a white powder in it. It was actually really clean and looked brand new on the inside in fact, but I refused to look anywhere near the backseat. I simply kept my eyes on the cup holders or the dashboard.

"We are headed to a favorite spot of mine…" he said handing me the bag of burgers and sped off into the night. I had told my parents I would probably crawl in around two or three in the morning and since they trusted me so much they didn't really mind, but if I didn't show up around twelve then I was probably dead. Cullen, probably having defiled me and killed me or something.

I sighed and tried to push that stupid thought out of my mind and nodded smiling up at him wryly. He wasn't looking at me though now, he was focusing on the drive as the road that lead up to La Push got a bit bumpier.

"I thought you were the chiefs daughter?" Edward said laughing lightly. I looked up at him confused.

"W-what d-d-do you m-mean?" I asked shakily from the bumps on the road. I was using my hand to distance my head from the roof of the car so the bumps wouldn't send me flying up and I'd knock my head on the roof or something.

"You aren't wearing your seat belt." he said smirking at me with a wink as he spoke in a perfectly composed voice. I looked at him to retort smartly back that he wasn't wither but in fact…he was. So it looked like this bad boy actually has a sorta good side.

I rolled my eyes and sighed in relief when we finally cam to a stop at the top of one of La Push's cliffs. I gasped as Edward opened the door for me and helped me out, but I was even more shocked at the view up here. The moon was full tonight and looked so close to the waves beneath us that the perfect reflection of the moon glowed brilliantly before me. I took a step closer to the edge when I felt my shoe slip and I almost screamed, thinking I was going to fall to my death, when I felt a warm hand grip onto my elbow and pull me up further away from the edge. I looked up and saw Edward looking past my shoulder to see over the edge of the cliff.

"Geeze," he chuckled and pulled me a little closer to him. For a split second I felt sort of uncomfortable but that faded away quickly. "Don't be such a klutz, Swan." Edward said jokingly as I noticed he had both a quilt nad ther burgers in his other hand. I was grateful he saved me, but pretty pissed he called me a slut. I let it go though. I wouldn't let my hot head get ahead of me tonight.

"It's beautiful up here…" I whispered gently to Edward as I followed him to a spot a little bit further than where we had been standing. He had laid the blanket out on a flat patch of stone and plopped the bag of burgers down before sitting down and patting the side beside him.

"Yeah...I come here and a few other places to," _fuck a girl then go for a dip to wash off the herpes? _"think." he said as I took off my heels and carried them with me over to the spot where he had wanted me to sit.

He pulled the burgers out of the greasy bag and handed one to me. "I took you for a veggie burger type, so I got you all the way, no cheese and here are your fries." he said handing me the piece of crap that shouldn't even be called a burger. I was skinny, yeah, but when it came to burgers I knew how to eat.

"What did you get?" I said eyeing his burger that he now pulled out. It looked a lot bigger than mine, in it's yellow paper wrapping. He looked up at me confused and spoke in a hesitant manner.

"Angus beef burger, double cheese with bacon and onions only." he said pulling out his fries next. I eagerly grabbed the burger he had on his lap and traded it with my crappy burger he had ordered me. Before he could even protest I unwrapped the delicious sandwich and sunk my teeth into the burger, sighing in contentment.

"Well," Edward said staring at me rip into the burger. "I guess I pinned you wrong." he said laughing as I swallowed my mouthful of food then spoke lightly while staring up at the beautiful moon.

"It's alright. A lot of people tend to do that to me. They think since I'm number one in my class and that I always look perfect, that I actually am. But…I'm not. I'm human too." I sighed and closed my eyes for a minute, leaving half of the burger beside me. I felt a hand snatch it from my own and looked to see Edward had practically only one bite left out of it. I shrugged, knowing I probably full by now. I didn't protest.

"Yeah…I guess people do the same for me. They think I'm all bad ass and shit but I guess I'm sort of a coward in a way. I'm actually really shy…" he said finishing off the burger then throwing all our trash in the bag he had brought the burgers in. we didn't eve touch our fries. I leaned back on my palms and sighed. He did the same.

"Sorry I pegged you…" Edward whispered looking at me now. I turned to see his face was really close to mine now in fact.

"I-it's okay…I think I did the same. I'm sorry." I whispered looking into those perfect green eyes. God, could he get any hotter. I could feel the silence around us now, only feeling his breath and hearing the sound of my heart beating a million miles per hour.

"It's okay." he finally whispered and soon I felt we were both leaning in. that's when I panicked and threw myself back a little bit before speaking in a hurried tone.

"I'm really thirsty." I said clearing my throat and looking from him so I wouldn't let him see my blush that was now rising on my face. When I turned back he was sitting up a little bit further from me too now.

"Yeah," he said gruffly and cleared his throat. "I forgot drinks, sorry. But I know this place that makes _the_ best milk shakes you will ever drink…" he said looking at me from the corner of his eye. This made my heart flutter, I knew I had tons of time before I had to be home but just a few more hours with this guy would make me feel like I was in heaven. I know, how stupid. One date with a guy I thought I hated and now I thought he was basically the next best thing to an Abercrombie model…but we all know those boy are gay so I guess Cullen was the next best thing.

"Really?" I said crossing one leg over the other and smacked on my 'flirty' smile. Edward looked up and watched as I swung my foot lightly over the edge of the rock we were sitting on. He cleared his throat and smiled up at me playfully.

"Yeah. It's on me." he said as he got up then helped me up. I was starting to slip on my heels again when he stopped me. "You probably should leave them off." he said folding up the quilt now. I looked up at him with one eyebrow arched in question. "You might kill yourself." he said teasingly pointing to the edge of the cliff. I rolled my eyes but as I walked beside him to the car and almost tripped, again, I spoke under my breath.

"Good idea…" I whispered hoping he wouldn't hear.

After driving out of La Push Edward did the thing I would have never expected him to do; roll down his sun roof to let the cool night air in and all the windows as well-which sent my hair flying everywhere around me-and turned on the radio to one of my favorite songs by _My Chemical Romance_. I could see him mouthing the words lightly to himself as his tapped the steering wheel with his palm and the beat and then I started singing. I knew the song by heart but would never dare sing it or admit I knew it around anyone besides Edward Cullen.

I guess he noticed me singing because then he started singing it too until we were both belching out lungs out with the song. When it ended I noticed he was finally pulling up to a small ice cream shop as we were laughing. He looked over me and smiled genuinely.

"You know, I didn't think you would like that type of music either…" he said flicking off the music as we pulled up into a drive through. A boy as skinny as a pole with Red curls that looked about as clean as a rat's butt and zits came out to give us a Chetto colored smile. I'll have a chocolate malt and a…" Edward looked over to me and I climbed over his lap to see the person over at the window.

"I'll have a strawberry malt with whip cream, two waters and a cherry on top of the whipped cream, please." I said winking at the boy playfully. He gave this weird noise that sounded as if he were going to go into an asthma attack but instead he quickly shut the glass window and eagerly went to work on those orders. I felt Edward's arms pull me back down and I flopped back onto the seat laughing my lungs out.

"What was that about?" Edward said a hint of anger coating his voice. I looked over at the drive through window and then back at Edward.

"The waters and strawberry malt is going to be free." I said smugly smirking to myself. I had always done that sort of crap with little boys like that in the mall when I wanted a free water or something, so I knew it would work on this guy.

"What makes you so sure of that?" Edward asked smiling at me now. I'm surprised he wasn't phased by having my ass in his face for a bit, but he wasn't.

"You'll see." I cooed and watched as the boy finally reappeared and handed Edward the two waters, the malts and the receipt.

"Y-your total is two fifty two, s-sir. The l-lady's requests a-a-are on the house…" the poor boy stuttered as he voice cracked and squeaked at all levels of awful octaves and he smiled at me. Edward was trying to keep himself from bursting out laughing as he paid and finally handed me my malt. I probably did _the_ sluttiest thing next, determined to prove my point to Edward.

I plucked the cherry right off the top of the whipped cram mountain, popped it in my mouth and took my time pulling the stem out of my mouth as winked at the poor boy. When I looked over at Edward he looked at me just as the boy before us had. I giggled and turned back to the boy.

"Thanks, doll!" I cooed to the boy as Edward put the car in drive and begant o pull out of the drive through. When he finally pulled into a parking spot, I fully expected him to burst out laughing but instead just sat there panting, as he stared out the window shield. There were no cars around or in front of us so I wondered what he was thinking about, taking a sip of my malt. Edward was right, this was the best malt I had ever had in my life.

"Hey-" I started but was cut off by Edward pulling me out of my seat and onto his lap, crushing his lips to mine. At first I went ridged, but after a few seconds of feeling his soft lips against mine, I loosened up and leaned my lips into his finally. I let my fingers travel up his neck and finally entwined my fingers into his hair before I felt myself straddling Edward freaking Cullen…and loving it. He finally pressed his tongue out to run across my lower lips before sucking it into his mouth and I let out a light moan. God he tasted great, even for a smoker. I felt his hips rise to grind against mine, allowing me to feel his rather large bulge, and I let out another little whimper. This was not fair. He was making me all hot and bothered but I was doing nothing for him. That's when I pulled my lips from his and took in a gasp of air before attacking his neck.

He let out a groan when I pulled his ear lobe into my mouth and his hands dropped to my hips, gripping me tight but certainly not too tight as he began to grind against me lightly.

"That stunt you pulled over there with that kid," Edward said breathily as he kept grinding. I hummed as I moved to the over side of his neck, nibbling here and there and mumbled out a little "Mhmm?" sending him to shake out another breath before speaking.

"It was _really _hot." he whispered finally and I pulled back, leaning against the steering wheel with my hands resting on his shoulders as I allowed myself to finally feel how wonderful the friction he was causing between my legs felt. I felt my eyes flutter closed. I felt his warm hands begin to slowly creep up my tank top until the tips of this finger were ghosting over the flesh of my stomach and even higher until he finally reached my bra. I moaned as he began to run his hands over my flesh and when he heard the sound escape my lips, he allowed his hips to press further against me now. Goodness, he really knew how to make me hot.

"Bella," I heard my name escape his lips but I didn't open my eyes. I just let him keep going. "Look at me Bella." I heard him whisper against my neck now in a husky voice. My eyes opened immediately in obedience and I met his eyes with mine.

He was starring at me with eyes coated over with a veil of nothing but lust now. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to his as I mewled again as he ground even harder against me now. My thighs were shaking not only from the uncomfortable position of straddling this guy but also from the erupting feeling bubbling up in my stomach now.

He finally decided to go faster with his movements now and soon I was whimpering his name, seeing nothing but sparks in my vision. I felt my body go limp and my body lay on his now but Edward was still going, grinding frantically against me now. His thrust became erratic and his grip on my hips as he pressed me down just a little further became tighter.

"Keep going…" I whispered into his ear as seductively as I could. It was lame, yeah, but I just wanted him to know that I was a patient person.

"Almost-" he groaned out right before I felt him moan and then he went limp too. He wrapped his arms around my waist gently as we both tried to calm our breathing habits by now. I recovered bit faster than he did and finally lifted myself up a bit, looking to see he had his eyes closed as tried to breathe again. I started to get off him now and move back to my own seat when his eyes snapped open and he held me a bit tighter to him now, almost possessively.

"Where are you going?" he asked giving me a little grin that gave off smugness and joy. I rolled my eyes and smiled back at him before speaking in a sarcastic tone.

"I think my leg fell asleep." I said as we both looked down at the uncomfortable position I was in. We both laughed and Edward nodded, letting me go back to my seat. He lifted up the top part of the little cubby between us and pulled out a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. He lit one up, blowing the smoke out of the opened window and I chuckled lightly noticing his stare focusing back on me.

"What?" he asked flicking the bud out of the window and beginning the drive back home. I shook my head and lifted the cup in which had once been a malt.

"It melted." I laughed as I checked Edwards as well to see his was in the same soupy state as mine. He rolled his eyes and I sighed as I let the wind hit my face and calm me down a bit. When I felt the car had finally stopped in the parking lot of Dean's I opened my eyes to see I had fallen asleep, Edward was staring at me now. I sort of rolled onto my side in the seat to face him and sighed happily.

"You don't have to be something you aren't, you know…" he whispered gently. He sounded so sweet, nothing like I had heard or seen Edward Cullen behave before.

"W-what?" I asked sort of stunned that he actually spoke of something that personal with me.

"You act like you have to be perfect around everyone." he said raising his hand to brush a piece of hair out of my face then slowly lowered it down to my cheek and stopped, leaving his warm palm there on the side of my neck.

"That's because I do have to act perfect around everyone…except you." I said looking down at the cubby that held his cigarettes between us. It was silent for a while until he finally broke it and spoke quietly, careful not to startle me out of my trance.

"Meet me here tomorrow around the same time?" he asked lightly. Today had been the last day of school so I'd be happy to oblige. I nodded my head in agreement and slowly began to slide out of his car.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said before closing the door behind me and rushing over to my truck, heels in hand. I slid in and looked at the clock. Looks like I'd have to sneak in that night.

Edward and I had seen more and more of each other over the summer months and gradually we opened up to each other more and more every day. He never showed his violent side to me those first few months, proving that he was actually a sort of gentleman, but when he told me about his home life and how his father had used to beat his mother so bad she'd wind up in the hospital sometimes and how he'd tried to stop his father form whaling on his mother and took the beatings instead, I broke down in tears. I had it so much easier than he ever had and here I was thinking my lie was terrible. I felt stupid and moronic.

He was baffled by this, wondering why I would feel the need to cry over such a silly thing. That was the first night we ever said "I love you" to one another.

Edward changed me over the time we spent together. Instead of wearing horrible things that I hated, like skirts and pinks or frilly stuff all together, I wore jeans and simple white v-neck tees and combat boots, just like Edward. of course I never matched him or anything but he got me comfortable with who I really was. I had tried to introduce Edward to my parents as my boyfriend, but Charlie whipped out the shot gun as soon as he entered the door and Rene broke down in tears. Charlie banned me from seeing Edward, causing me to have to sneak out almost every night.

Our senior year I still graduated valedictorian, and Edward graduated along side me with all his credits and actually a pretty good GPA. I was really proud of him and he had stuck by me that whole year that we came out as a couple and no one really wanted to be around me anymore since I kind of followed my own style now and wasn't Little Miss Perfect anymore. I was happy though. Edward and I moved to Phoenix after High school and I finished college, with a degree in Literature while Edward got his in Liberal Arts. We had a good life together until everything started to fall apart…leading to _this_.

I'm Isabella Marie Swan…this is my story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. **

**Bella **

I guess you could say I over reacted, but you would too if your boyfriend had some little sluts number one his arm and he reeked of the bitches perfume. I understand we were both really drunk last night and he probably didn't even know what the fuck the girl looked like or what her name was but I was pissed. I always let my temper get the best of me…I guess that's what I get for being with Edward for so long. He started to rub off on me.

I felt his warm body curled up against mine and I huffed, throwing his arm off from around me and stormed off the bed we had passed out on. Our apartment was a decent place, we both kept it spotless, knowing we each hated something or another about the house being messy so to avoid confrontation or fighting, which was impossible, we tried to keep up our mess. I was mad and I prayed to god he wouldn't wake up and get me even more pissed off than I was by talking to me. I walked over to the closet and ripped off a tee shirt and some jeans angrily. I knew I was making too much noise.

"Hey…" I heard Edward's groggy voice call sweetly to me as I slipped into the black shirt and denim jeans. I wasn't going anywhere, I was just getting dressed to maybe go grocery shopping or make breakfast or clean or something. Nothing major. "Where are you going, beautiful?" he asked in a much clearer tone now.

"No where." I snapped with as much venom as I could spew into it. I heard a groan from the bed and my face automatically snapped to face him. I glared at this gorgeous man before me and scoffed before running my hands through my hair and attempting to walk out of the room.

"What did I do this time, Bella? Huh?" he grumbled as I walked past him. I simply chuckled darkly and spoke before leaving through the door.

"Check your arm, asshole." I said walking out of the room and slamming the door behind me. I heard a loud, angry groan come from the bedroom as I almost made it to the kitchen but didn't make it in time before I felt his hand grip my arm so tight I knew it would be sore in a few hours. I looked up almost instantly to see Edward with no shirt on and just a pair of jeans he had worn last night to the party for Rosalie's 21st birthday. Edward had gotten totally shit faced with Emmet and Jasper while I drank a little bit with Rosalie and Alice, Edward's friends and mine from college.

"Let. Go." I growled up at him. I sounded just like him now. His eyes grew angry and soon he had me pinned against the wall, hands over my head.

"Calm down." he said gently as I thrashed beneath him. I was totally surprised by this. He had always just threw me down or something and yelled at me or shook me or something but not this time. He was actually trying to calm me down even though I could tell he was getting just as pissed and annoyed as me.

"Who was she?" I asked glaring at him through my lashes. His jaw tightened and he shook his head before closing his eyes.

"I don't even remember getting her fucking number, okay Bella? Is that what you want to fucking hear?" he yelled at me finally. I sneered at him and lifted my foot and raided it to shove against his stupid perfect washboard stomach abs. he fell back against the opposite wall of the hallway and chased me back to the bedroom and caught the door before I could close it, even if I did though he could've kicked down like he had a few times before.

"You know if you didn't get so fucking shit faced with those assholes you called friends, maybe you could actually remember what you did the night before!" I screamed at him and shoved against his chest. He laughed down at me and shoved me now against the wall. I gasped for a minute, trying to catch my breath and I knew this was going to get a little out of hand. I ran for him now and jumped on him, sending my fists to his face, throwing punches anywhere I could on him but he just grabbed my wrists and flipped me over on the bed now. I thrashed even harder again, trying to get out of his strong hold and he glared at me.

"Don't you EVER call my friends anything like that ever again, Bella! Or I swear to God I'll-" he started but I cut him off with a loud shrill of a yell.

"Or you'll what, Edward? What? Are you going to hit me? Go ahead! HIT ME!" I screamed at him but he just growled and pulled me up by my wrists to yell again at me but I spit in his face, giving me time to get out of his grip and run for the bathroom now. I almost made it again, but he caught the door before I could close it and pinned me against the tile wall this time, but instead of capturing my wrists, he captured my lips with his. I shoved him away though and with a strangled cry of anger his hand snapped back and slammed into the tile wall beside my face with a horrible crack. This wall didn't even budge but Edward pulled back and screamed in frustration, anger and pain. It had to have hurt a little bit but it must have hurt a lot worse with all the anger he was holding.

"Fuck!" he said gripping his hand for a minute and tried to stop the pain. For a moment I thought I could just yell at him, have easy ammo now and call him a baby or something…but then I saw the blood. Blood is where we both knew it was going way too far. I rushed to him and tried to look at his hand but he shoved me away roughly, holding his hand to his chest and sending me against the wall now. "Get away from me!" he yelled in anger but I could tell the pain was all there. I didn't let it phase me though, I knew he'd let me look at it now from the guilt of shoving me.

I finally got him to turn around and look at me for a minute before holding onto his wrist and looking at the cuts on his knuckles. I touched just above his knuckles from where the large gashes where and sighed in relief when he didn't flinch or even phase at all. His hand wasn't broken.

I grabbed some rubbing alcohol and gauze from the place where we kept our first aid kit under the sink and warned him quietly before pouring the horrible smelling alcohol on his wounds. "It'll sting for just a minute." I said pouring it on his hand now. He screamed into my shoulder, muffling it and I quickly wrapped it with the gauze. When I was finished I looked up at him and sighed, lifting my hand up to press against his cheek. He didn't flinch away like I would have, were it him, but leaned into it, closing his eyes and sighing in relief.

"Bella," he said looking at me now and I let my hand fall to his chest as I stared up at him with tears of guilt now blurring my vision. "I really don't remember her and if I was sober I swear to you I would've told her to go fuck herself. You know I have never cheated on you, just like I trust that you have never cheated on me." Edward said leaning down to press his forehead to mine.

"I know…" I said wrapping my arms around his torso. "I'm so sorry. I always start these fights and I hate it…I'm so sorry…" I mumbled over and over again into his chest as I wept for his mercy and forgiveness. He sighed calmly now and lifted me off my feet into his arms, bridal style, before carrying me back to the bed. He laid me down and then lay there next to me…we kissed each others wounds for a second, him turning me over to kiss the now forming bruise on my back from when he shoved me.

"I'm so sorry Bella…" he said sadness brimming his voice as his lips lightly brushed my bare back now, after lifting my shirt up, calming me to such an extent I wanted to fall asleep. He rubbed my hip bone that was stuck up win the air since I was laying on my side. He never really punched me or hit me…he would try to hit a wall or something but he would shove me and if I was really wailing on him he was smack me back or something but nothing that was cause like my skull to crack open or something, so I could tell just by his voice how guilty he was to see me all banged up from him.

"Forgive me?" he whispered planting one last kiss agaist my bruise then pulling my shirt back down and allowed me to shower him now. I looked into his eyes for a moment before leaning over to grab his hand and kiss his bandaged palm. His students would ask him what happened. Edward was a college liberal arts professor, even though he was so young. I worked at a local magazine and wrote articles on relationships. Ironic, huh?

"Will you forgive _me_?" I pleaded with him now as I left his hand and kissed my way up his shoulder now until I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck and kissed him there for a few minutes before just laying there and allowing him to wrap his arms around me, comfortingly.

"You haven't done anything wrong, baby…I made you this way…if it weren't for me-" he started but I cut him off.

"You didn't make me anything. I became this way on my own accord. Nothing is your fault…I love you…" I whispered into his ear lightly before he sighed and nodded in reply.

"I love you too, Bella. So much…" he said holding onto me gently.

It felt so good to be at peace with him right now, but I knew better. It was only a matter of time before the bombs inside the both of us would blow up again.

**I had this idea once again and I just had to write! I hope you guys like it! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! IF YOU READ I REQUIRE YOU TO REVIEW! I love you all! Good night!(:**

**-WOLFIE 3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3. **

**Edward **

I didn't think my life would end up like this. In fact, when I was younger I vowed to be nothing like my father and how he had treated my mother. She'd been hospitalized so many times from him and I had hundreds of stitches from his broken beer, wine, rum, any type of alcoholic beverage bottles that he used on me when I took the beatings for my mother. She always tried to protect me, even down to the moment she died.

I remembered the day she died like it had happened only a few moments ago. I could see the white anger my father so violently used against her, I could see the knife my mother grabbed and how I hid in the kitchen cupboard like she had told me to when he came home drunk. But when didn't he come drunk?

"Ed," my mother pleaded with my father for a moment, holding up the knife like a sword. Her auburn curls were in a disarray from running up the stairs, grabbing me out of bed and then hiding me. I had been half asleep when she had come to get me from my room, but I was wide awake when I saw my drunken father moved in staggered motions towards my mother. "Please, sweetheart…you can stop this. _We_ can stop. I can go to my mothers for a little while and you could go to rehab…please? Do it for me." she pleaded as tears streaked down from her emerald green eyes. But my father just gave her a slurred and drunken chuckle.

"Yeah right, bitch. You just want to leave so you can go _fuck_ whoever you want. I should've known I married a whore!" he spat at her and laughed still glaring. My mother was calloused to his cruel words, but I knew better. They hurt her.

That's when it started. As I looked out the little panels from the cupboard I could see my father lurch across the kitchen, my mother screaming and trying to go for my father's chest with her knife, but soon he had already twisted her wrist enough to gather the knife from her.

"Eddie! No! Please! Think of the baby, don't let him see this! PLEASE!" she screamed as I began to cry and he pinned her to the linoleum floor with his knee on her chest and started wailing on her. I could hear her begs and pleads for my father to stop and I felt the aching in my stomach start to arise. She got away from him for a moment, rushing towards where I was, about a centimeter away from unlocking me from my prison so I could help her, when he gripped her by the ankle and she screamed, knocking her head on the door. I met her eyes for a moment and all I could see was the fear for me in her eyes. Not fear for herself but fear for me. She tried to stop him from dragging her by scraping her nails across the stupid tile, making a horrid screeching noise, making my tears start to pour harder.

"Mommy!" I screamed and trashed against the cupboard door to try and get out as I heard her begs against my father's fists. I could smell the blood after two hits.

"Edward…" she gurgled through the blood as he got up off her and glared down at her for a minute. "I love you…" she whispered as I saw her body finally go limp and the blood start to pool in exponential amounts when her face turned. That made the old ass sober up pretty quick.

"E-Elizabeth…?" he said quietly looking down at her now with concerned eyes. He looked less…drunk. "Lizzy?" he pleaded now as tears started to form in his eyes. He dropped down to his knees beside her and hesitated for a moment before picking her up in his arms and staring down at her, beginning to sob.

"Liz, wake up! Please! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it! JUST PLEASE WAKE UP!" he begged to her lifeless body as he held her body to his chest now and leaned over to talk to her through a tear and blood stained face. "I love you too…" he whispered against her hair now.

"MOMMY!" I screamed finally trashing even harder now than before in the cupboard. My wather's worried and sad face snapped up in an instant and he placed my mothers body back on the floor, gentler than ever.

"E-Eddie?" my father asked looking at the cupboard as my screams grew louder now.

"MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!" I screamed as I punched and kicked and tried as hard as I could to get out and get to my mother.

"I-I'm coming buddy. Hold on! You just got to calm down!" he said scrambling through the kitchen to find the key my mother had left on the counter when she had put me in here. She had planned on getting me out once the fight was over, but now she would never be able to even see me again. When he finally picked up the key my screams had grown exponentially louder and my kicking and punching was far worse.

"MOMMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. My father's dull green eyes were now watching his shaky hand as he tried to unlock me until finally, he pulled me out. He tried to cradle me in his arms but I kicked my way out of his grasp and crawled over to my mother's body. Her face was covered by blood and her hair so I couldn't see exactly what he had done to my mother so I just begged to her, pressing on her stomach as if I were trying to roll her over.

"Mommy! Mommy, wake up! Please mommy! WAKE UP!" I begged her as loudly as I could. My father just stood there, crying and sobbing as I crawled up against my mother's limp body and begged her to wake up now. That's when the front door was broken down, police and social workers flooding through our door. I hadn't heard them banging on the door but I'm sure my father could. But he stayed still, crying with blood dripping from his hands. He had killed her.

"Put your hands up!" I heard a policeman call to my father. He stayed still for a long moment but then did as they said, dropping to his knees and sobbing. That's when a woman came and tried to take me from my mother.

"Oh my god…" the woman whispered in horror as I finally latched onto her and sobbed into this strangers shoulder. She was horrified at my mother's bloodied face and tattered body. She rushed me out of the house in an instant and the last picture I had of that night was police putting my father into hand cuffs and my mother's poor lifeless body, lying there on the floor.

I was four when my mother died.

I never told Bella about that night. In fact I never told her about my biological parents. She knew I was adopted by Carlisle and Esme, the social worker who had picked me up that night, but she didn't know one thing about my real family. She asked me about my mom once and I told her about how I looked like her in little ways like my ahir and eyes. I think I even showed her a picture that first summer we spent together, but I never really said much about it after that, and she never really asked about it either.

I hated myself for doing to Bella, the most beautiful, forgiving and caring woman I knew, what my father had done to my mother. I made sure when I lost my temper with Bella I wouldn't hit her. I hit walls or just pushed her around and I had only slapped her once but that one time made me want to _kill_ myself. I was my father, even in looks. When I looked in the mirror in the morning I saw him; his perfect cheekbones and nose, the shape of his eyes and sometimes I could see the same drunken grimace he put on his lips.

I loved Bella but she got me riled up sometimes to a point where I just snapped.

That's what happened the last night I would ever hurt Bella.

I. Just. Snapped.

**Okay I hope you guys like it because I do! I know its my own story and that's stupid to say but yeah, I really like this one! REVIEW PEOPLE! If you read this story I am requiring you to REVIEW! It sucks to have 6 reviews when you work so hard on these chappies! PWEASE! Lots oh love!**

**-WBL**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4. **

**Isabella Swan**

Today wasn't the best day of my life. Nope, definitely not the best, but certainly not the worst.

I had been walking home from work when I got a call from Jessica, my next door neighbor in my apartment complex. She was crying, as usual when she called me but something about the way she was talking was different than all the other times. Every time Jessica called me, Mike, her fiancée had either beaten her or left her again. But as I answered her call, sort of reluctantly, I noticed a difference.

"Bella! Bella! Please, you gotta get here now! Please…I'm bleeding! Please!" Jessica's familiar voice begged to me. That's where is topped dead in my tracks, only a few feet from my car now. Blood? Blood is where all us masochists drew the line. Yes, I was a masochist. I loved Edward enough to put up with the horrible fighting and bickering and bruises…but even Edward knew when to stop when there was blood. Mike, Jessica's boyfriend of like eight years, didn't though.

"B-blood? From what?" I asked a now silent line. "Jess?" I asked now slipping into my car. I was full out panicked as I began driving the six block drive back home. "JESS?" I yelled now only a few yards away from the parking lot. The line went dead and I scoffed for a moment before I finally parked as close as I could to the apartments and ran as fast as I could to the front spinning doors. I was greeted by Jacob, the doorman and I waved him off in aggravation. I felt bad, but he always stared at my ass and Edward didn't exactly like a guy our age trying to get my number while I was trying to haul groceries in either. I ran through the large and spotless lobby until I finally reached the insanely slow elevator and pressed it so many times the stupid alarm bell went off. I growled in irritation now and ran for the door that led to the stairwell.

I ran up the first five flights with ease and then as I saw the number six painted on the concrete walls of the stair well, I felt my chest staring to heave and my body aching for oxygen. I couldn't stop though. I cursed Edward for wanting to live on the eighth floor because of the beautiful views internally but I kept going, pushing my burning legs harder until I finally reached my level and burst through the heavy metal door. I ran down my hall counting the familiar numbers mentally. Five ten, five twelve, five fourteen…five sixteen. Jessica's apartment door was opened a crack already but I wasn't phased by this, it meant Mike was gone, probably off to get more booze or something.

Mike was a trust fund baby, came from good money and good frat boy society shit. Jessica was a model, or rather an ex model now, on account of all the bruises and cuts leaving scars all over her face and body. What she saw in Mike I didn't understand, but then again, she probably thought the same about me and Edward when I called begging her for help.

We knew each other's situation and we knew the rules on how to handle stuff like this since we dealt with it on a daily basis, so we took car of each other and watched each others backs. No questions asked and no judgments.

"Jess?" I asked cautiously as I pushed through the door to see glass shattered all over the ground from what looked like Jessica's vintage mirror she had in the entrance hall. All the lights were on so I could see the few small spots of blood on the floor leading to the bathroom. I rushed to where the blood was leading now, not bothering to be shocked by the broken coffee table, the flipped couch, the knife on the ground…it didn't have blood on it, so I paid no attention. When I finally made it through the hall I saw what horrified and made my stomach turn more than ever before.

I had seen things done to myself, bruises, cuts, blood, cracks, breaks…all of these could never compare to what I saw before me.

Jessica's slim body was covered in blood from the waist down, but for now that was all that I could see because the rest of her was covered by the bathtub she was lying in. Blood was still flowing profusely from between her legs and down the insides of her thighs and I felt the urge to vomit at what had happened.

"B-Bella…?" I heard Jessica's soft and strangled tone call to me as I rushed form the doorway to the bathroom to where she was and finally saw what horror was before me.

Jessica had a miscarriage.

"Oh my god." I whispered in disgust at the…I couldn't even look at _it_ anymore, much less think about it. Jessica broke out into sobs now, bawling as I tried to help her sit up. What had Mike done to her? When did Jess find out she was pregnant? Why didn't she tell me?

"I f-found out t-today." Jessica finally muttered out between sobs, answering my every question. She looked at me through a large black eye and a gash on her forehead. When she finally got a little control she began to tell me what happened as I looked around the bathroom for towels, rubbing alcohol and the cell phone Jess had called me from. "W-when I showed Mike the pregnancy tests, I thought he would be happy. Maybe even finally ask me to marry him, but instead he got so upset and he-" she broke off into another fit of sobs as I tried to clean Jessica's face off with a rag I had wet with warm water from the sink after sitting her up.

"He started punching my stomach and I begged him. I even said I would leave to my mother's but he…he just kept punching and punching…" she cried out harder now. She had wanted the baby that was now sitting in the bathtub before her. Lifeless.

I had found the cell phone by the toilet and began to dial 911 when I felt Jessica's hand clamp around my wrist, hard. I looked up at her confused and she grimaced with tears in her eyes at me. ." She only said three words.

"Remember the rules." she hissed out as if I were stupid. That set me off. She was going to bleed to death and she wanted me to remember out "_Get Beat and Don't Snitch_" rules? Yeah right. We only had three rules. One; always call each other after something has happened. Two; always check for blood. And three; never call an ambulance. Questions are always asked and questions lead to your boyfriend's ass getting put into jail which leads to more arguments which leads to more physical confrontation.

"Fuck the rules Jess! You need an ambulance. _NOW_!" I said twisting out of her grip and and walking further away from the tub.

"911 emergency. What is your problem?"…

They carried Jessica away on a stretcher that night and left me covered in miscarriage blood. She was till awake when they took her away and carried the little bloody bundle of towels with the dead child in it away with her as well. I couldn't look as they walked by with that bunch of towels. I was in disgust.

Not in disgust of the baby lying dead in those blankets, not even getting a chance to grow, no I was in disgust of what had caused that child. A violent and sacrileges love that not even I could understand. I was in disgust of my own violent relationship. I was simply…disgusted.

Edward came home shocked from teaching his night classes. I was sitting in the living room still numb to everything. My hair was pulled up into a now disheveled bun, my kaki pants and white button down soaked in Jessica's blood. After getting questioned form the cops and Mike coming home drunk, only to be dragged off in a cop car, I was allowed to go back into my own apartment. Around ten, Edward walked through the door, switching on the light and gasping in horror as he saw me.

"B-Bella?" he asked a now concerned and horrified tone. "Oh my god! Bella! What happened?" he said dropping his suitcase and rushing over to me now. I wasn't going to listen to him. I had the image of that little lifeless alien lying in a pool of blood on the white tile of the bathtub.

"Bella. Baby, look at me." Edward said kneeling down before me as tears began to drift down my cheeks.

_That could've been me. _

"Bella, please! You're scaring me! Just tell me what happened." he said now staring at me in utter concern.

_That could've been…him. _

"M-Mike." I finally blurted out and stared into Edward's eyes. Edward looked at me with even more confusion filling his eyes and I continued as if to reassure myself more than him that this had really happened. It wasn't a nightmare I was going to wake up from soon.

"Jessica f-found out she was pregnant. Mike didn't want the baby." I said crying even harder now and trying not to sob. Edward's eyes grew larger in shock and he finally pressed a cool hand to my cheek, but I flinched away instantly.

"He killed it." I finally whispered out in an eerie tone. Edward gasped in horror and stared at me for a moment. "I found them like that…" I said crying now in hard sobs. I leaned onto Edward, not caring if I got the blood on his white silk shirt and he gripped me to his chest tighter now. He understood my horror.

"Bella…I'm sorry you had to see that." Edward said in a sad sigh. We sat there for a long while, him rocking me back and forth until finally he lifted me up from the chair I had been sitting in and took me back to our bedroom. Edward walked past our bed and the closet and then finally opened the door to the bathroom. He set me on the floor by my feet and I looked up at him confused.

"Take a shower, sweetheart. I'll be right outside." he said kissing me on the forehead and closed the door behind him.

After showering I walked out in my robe I usually hung on the bathroom door and walked out to see Edward throwing some pajamas and underwear on the bed for me. I slid into the baggy white tee and blue pajama shorts and saw Edward had already changed into his night clothes as well.

Edward looked so sad when he looked up at me but we both stayed silent. I had cried most of the time I was taking that shower and he had probably heard me. Not good.

"Come here." Edward said as we crawled into bed together. I crawled as close as I could now and sighed before I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks harder now.

"Shh, I'm here baby. I'm here." Edward whispered as I cried harder now. I reluctantly let the tears flow down my face until finally I felt Edward's arms encircle me tightly and practically hold me together before I began to fall apart. He was my support system, no matter how much we fought and hit and screamed, we held each other together like glue. No matter what.

We fell asleep like that, me crying in his arms.

I had dreams of Jessica's cries, the bloody mess lying on the tile and the shape of what you could tell what would be a human in a while. Nightmares woke me up that morning. The murky gray light of the day seeping in through the large glass window until finally I could make everything out from my now aching eyes. I looked around me, Edward's arm still slung around my waist when I started to think about everything that had happened the night before and I knew what had to be done. I had to leave.

I couldn't let Jessica's story become mine.

I slowly slipped out of bed, knowing if I made a loud enough noise Edward would wake up. After sliding out of his hold on my waist I rushed over to my closet and grabbed some jeans and slipped on my flip-flops. I threw on a jacket and then searched for the Luis Vuitton suitcase I had gotten for my birthday last year from Edward. More of an "_I'm sorry for throwing you against a wall the day of your birthday_" gift. I shoved everything I could into that bag and then quietly rushed into the bathroom to grab my toiletries bag and checked to see if Edward had even stirred yet. He hadn't. He was till lying on the bed deep into sleep. I had woken up about three hours before he even _considered_ waking up. Once I shoved that into my bag along with my wallet and my keys to my car. I knew if I was going to lug this thing out of the apartment without killing myself by klutzism or waking up Edward and causing a scene then I'd have to be super careful. I threw the bag over my shoulder and darted for the bedroom door, causing my knee to knock into a lamp table beside the edge of the bed, waking up Edward. I froze as he yawned grumpily and looked up at me from his sleep filled eyes. Once his eyes ran over the bag, though, he sobered up from sleep and shot up.

"What the…?" he said sitting up in bed now.

Oh. _Shit_.

**I don't like writing chapters that mention death and stuff so it was sort of hard to write this chapter especially dealing with like miscarriage and crap. I'm sorry it's sorta short but I will be writing the next chapter really soon. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!:D**

**Lots of love**

**-WbL**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5. **

**Bella Swan **

Oh. _Shit. _

I dropped my suitcase immediately and took off running down the hall. I knew this was going to get really bad and I didn't want this to happen right now with Jessica still on my brain. I heard his feet coming up behind me though and as soon as I reached the living room I was met by Edward's tight grip clamping around my elbow and throwing me into the glass covered coffee table. I screamed as my back shattered through the glass and I landed on the floor, sure I had cuts on my back now.

I looked up at Edward and gasped for air and in shock when I saw his eyes. This wasn't him. It wasn't Edward. His eyes were so full of hate, anger and…numbness. It was almost as if he were possessed.

"You are trying to…_leave _me?" he said standing above me now as I tried to crawl towards the wall crab walk style.

"N-no," I lied in a shaky whisper. I was in so much pain now I was sure he'd stop and notice the blood pooling up on my back but he didn't and now grabbed my ankle.

"LIAR!" he roared and now slung me against the wall. He growled at me as I now noticed blood was dripping from my head now too when wall made contact with my skull. Edward still wasn't stopping.

"Edward! Stop! PLEASE!" I screamed as he came at me now. I stood up, not caring about the blood anymore and ran as fast as I could to the front door and try to scream for help but he grabbed me by the throat and slung me down before I could even touch the door knob.

"You will not leave me!" he screamed in my face now. I couldn't breathe with his hands gripping tighter and tighter around my trachea. "YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME!" he roared as I tried thrashing and gasping for air. My hands clawed against his as I saw his terrifying eyes start to go even more numb if that was possible. His hair was all messy and in his face now as his white wife beater (ironic, huh?) clung tight against his chest. Finally his grip loosened and I gasped and coughed for air but he just smiled this evil grin I had never seen on him before.

That's when his arm snapped back.

Edward had only hit me once and it wasn't even that bad. I had smacked him and he got pissed and smacked me back but now…he was going to really screw my face up. His arm snapped back and then he chuckled as his knuckles contacted my eye, cheek, lip…where ever he could hit in five swings. I was lucky two of those hit the floor.

I coughed for a moment, realizing blood was now all around me. I was drowning in my own blood. He took a look at his own hand and then back at me and something changed in an instant.

My Edward was back.

His eyes were clear now. Remorse, self hatred and complete shame was all he held now.

"Oh my god." he whispered in horror as I started spitting up blood. I could feel my eye swelling and could taste the blood from my lip. Luckily he hadn't loosened any of my teeth but I could feel myself slipping. There was so much blood. Too much in fact.

Edward screamed in horror at what he had done and soon he was gone. He came back, still starring at me with his cell phone in his hand.

"Yes, I need an ambulance right away!" Edward screamed into the cell phone now trying to kneel beside me. I let out a horrified yelp though as he reached a hound out to me and his eyes filled with sadness. What had he expected? Me to open my arms to him two minutes after he tried to kill me. Even I had limits and this one had just been stepped over.

Edward gave the person on the other line our address and soon he hung up and was running around the apartment trying to gather things. He brought towels and bandages over and even thought I protested against his touch he tried to place towels on the gash on the back of my head, and under my back that was still stinging, I probably still had glass stuck in there.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered with tears falling from his eyes right as the door burst open and a flood of people came to my aid.

The last thing I remember is being pulled into an ambulance and Edward Being shoved into the back of a cop car.

Rule number three: Never call an ambulance.

Questions _will_ be asked.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

Edward Cullen

I am becoming my father. I swear, I never wanted to but I am. If she had just talked to me! If she had just told me she needed a break from this or something maybe I would've reacted differently. No, I'm lying. I wouldn't have reacted differently. I would have screamed at her, hit her even for even thinking of leaving me even if it were for a few days. I was a horrible person and I knew it. My father's blood ran through my veins and I was becoming more and more like him everyday. I even saw it that day, as I tried to grab a towel after what I had done to her I had caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, for a moment I thought I was him, with the gruff stubble, the bloodshot eyes and messy hair…even the blood on my hands. I was his son.

_What I had done to her. _

Oh god. I had beaten her so badly. There was blood everywhere and even her breaths came out in choked out cries of pain. I thought for just one moment if I should make up a lie, if I should say someone had come in and tried to take her and beaten her. I knew she would have gone along with it, she loved me too much to put me in jail. But then I thought, that would be the type of thing HE would do. Even if it meant going to jail for everything I had done to her, even if it meant a million apologies and no forgiveness for this, I would never expect the luxury of her forgiveness anyways, I would be at least a slightly better person that he was. Even after killing my mother, my father tried to make up some ludicrous story. He wasn't a man…and neither was I. I didn't deserve forgiveness, I didn't deserve life…nothing. And I didn't _expect_ anything either.

"What happened here?" the female cop asked genuinely concerned now, as I sat on the couch, tears escaping my betraying eyes. Men don't cry…but then again I wasn't a man. The paramedics were all men, urging my anger on again, no other guy would touch my Bella. I pushed the thought to the back of my head and shook for a moment. I wouldn't let this affect me, not right now.

"Me…" I whispered letting more tears escaped as I pushed my eyes down to the floor. My toes were covered in blood. "I did it." I said choking down the large lump in my throat. I heard a slight gasp come from the woman as she looped her fingers through her belt and then a rough sigh.

"Well," she said leaning down and gripping me by the elbow. "Then I guess you should be coming with me." she said gripping hand cuffs from her back pocket and leading me behind the stretcher Bella was being carried on. I had heard her yelps of pain and agony as they lifted her onto that thing but I was terrified…if she opened her eyes and saw me right there, since she was facing me, what would she do? Would she scream in horror? Would she even look at me? I was blessed though, she had fallen asleep even through the elevator with all the tubes and face masks poking into her and covering her. I hated it. I hate that I was given that little blessing. I didn't deserve it. I deserved to be screamed at, or even beaten myself. I wouldn't care if she went all Jennifer Lopez on me and tried to kill me or something. It would be fair.

The female cop was almost gentle with me as she pushed me into the cop car and for a moment I thought she was actually looking at me as the cops pushed me into the car. I hated the smell. But I hated a lot of things right now…

…

"What happened exactly?" Carlisle voice screamed at me now in the little interrogation room. They had already sent me into a cell but Esme and Carlisle had come to see me. This day was just getting better and better.

"I lost my temper." I whispered as I felt the lump in my throat rise again. I was still in my sweat pants and white tee shirt I had changed into before the cops had come to see me. Esme was crying, that killed me, in the corner, almost so sad that I felt like begging at _her_ feet as well as Bella's. "She was planning on leaving, not even going to speak to me or tell me why but Jessica and Mike…she was so upset. I don't even remember anything. I swear Carlisle. I didn't mean it. I've never hurt her this bad…" I whispered knowing now that everything was out that the questions wouldn't matter. Apparently Mike Newton, being arrested also last night, had also told the police about me and Bella, attempting to try and get rid of his attempted murder charge and pin something else on me and they were coming to question me today, but instead they found a broken Bella and me…with her blood on my hands.

"_THIS_ time? What the fuck is that supposed to mean Edward?" Carlisle said, stopping his pacing in front of me and slammed his hands down on the solid, metal table. That's when Esme's sobs stopped and she stood up almost immediately.

"Has this happened before, Edward?" Esme asked with her sweet but now confused voice. Esme was the one to pull me away from the horror of my mother's death that night. I couldn't look at Esme. I simply nodded my head and then her sobs came again.

"Esme, my love, please sit down." Carlisle said trying to calm her.

"It's all my fault. I knew what was going on between his parents. I should have gotten him out sooner. I shouldn't have let him see that horrible…_devil_!" Esme said referring to my biological father. She called him a devil…did that mean I was a devil as well? Was I a killer too?

"Shh…" Carlisle whispered gently to Esme. He loved her so much. He was so gentle with her, as he sat her down at the other end of the room, carefully stroking her caramel colored hair. Even the way he kissed her head, he was so gentle with her. Why couldn't _I_ be that way with Bella? Why? I loved her just as much, if not more than Carlisle loved Esme.

"Edward," Carlisle said walking over to me now, tiredly running his hand over his face. "I made a deal with the judge, he is a good friend of mine." he said carefully sitting down in front of me and shook his head. I nodded and let him continue.

"Instead of a year in _prison_," the word sounded even more disgusting coming form his lips and from the way he said it. "The judge is requiring you of three months in rehab, two moths of intensive counseling outside of rehab and if Bella decides to get a restraining order…you have to obey her wishes." Carlisle said gently but his stare was dead. I felt as if I should disown myself or something…save him the embarrassment of having a son who beats women and doesn't even remember doing it. Five months with no Bella.

I contemplated it for a while. It was better than jail, but maybe I deserved jail time. I deserved a lot of things. But then I knew I wouldn't get anything out of going to jail. I'd just be left to my thoughts, never knowing how I could fix myself, be better for Bella. I needed to get better for her. She deserved so much, even if that meant never seeing her again, like she may wish. I would do anything for Bella, not just because of the circumstances but because of everything. She was beautiful and kind and giving and loved me back. She was the one person who never left me no matter what I did to her. Not until this morning. I'd never know why she tried to leave but at least I could understand and think of a few reasons.

"Alright." I said, my voice breaking as Carlisle stared at me gently now. Almost as if he were my real father. "I'll do it." I said and Carlisle nodded, trying to reach into his pocket for something but stopped as I spoke. "But only on one condition." I whispered a little bit ashamed now.

Carlisle looked up at me and stopped his search for a minute. He only remained silent but I knew the silence was a sign to let me go on. So I did.

"You have to tell me how Bella is doing. I don't have to know where she is all the time or whatever, but if I see you or get the chance to talk to you from…wherever I'm going, just tell me the best about what you know. Alright?" I pleaded with my father. If I was doing this to better myself and Bella, then I'd have to do it knowing she was alright and knowing that I had a purpose to do good.

"Alright. I promise." Carlisle said pulling out his cell phone now. He whispered something like it was fine now, and he agreed but I wasn't listening. I was calculating how may days it would be until I would see Bella again. What was today? May 21st. I remember seeing the calendar at work yesterday.

When would I come back? December 21st.

"When am I going?" I asked feeling a shallow thud in my stomach at the thought of all the time apart from Bella.

"Tonight." Carlisle said in a final whisper.

I could do this. For Bella.

**Good? Yes or no? **

**Bella's POV next. I'm just gunna tell you she isn't going to be very happy for a while.**

**More details in next chapter!**

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

Isabella Swan

Sleep. I was sleeping, right? I wouldn't feel so tense unless I was sleeping. But if I was sleeping why was there pain? So _much_ pain. It hurt to even think about twitching a finger. It hurt whenever my body betrayed me and let in the air it craved. I would've stopped breathing all together if I could because the pain that surged through me every time my chest rose. Why was I in so much pain? Why am I asleep? I never sleep in this late.

"_You will not leave me!"_

Edward's voice rang shrill through my mind. Oh my god. How stupid was I? I tried to leave him and I know how Edward is. Was I still at home on the floor? I couldn't even open my eyes no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't even make my body do what I wanted as I swam through the darkness of my dreams. I had tried to leave. How could I do that to him? This was all my fault! Everything. He would be so mad with me when I woke up.

I tried to connect myself with my body again. I tried tirelessly to move my finger or my toe, anything, but it was like I couldn't do anything because I wasn't with my broken body anymore. So finally I just let myself relax in the dark shell of my body and soon, before I even knew what I was doing my eyes were opening.

There was a bright and obviously synthetic form of light coming from above me. As my eyes started to adjust I could make out what I was staring at. There were rectangles above my head now, and rectangular lights you would see in schools or cheap office buildings. Where am I? I moved my fingers, all of them, now, making sure I could do anything but as started to get cocky and tried to inhale a deep breath of sterile air I yelped in agony. Okay, no more deep breaths for Bella.

"Bella?" I heard a familiar, sweet voice call from beside me. I turned, half expecting to see Alice or rose, but instead I was greeted by my mother's soft, hazel eyes. Rene looked terrible, as if she hadn't slept in days. How did she get here? How long had I been out?

"M-mom?" I said her name gently as I began to feel the lump in my throat starting to appear now. I had missed my mother. The last time Edward had allowed me to go and visit my parents was a few Christmas's ago. I knew it wasn't fair and we were with his friends and family almost all the time but I loved him and would do and say anything if I could be with him. I guess I realized that I was being treated unfairly when I tried to leave that night. I realized a lot of things.

I realized my life was in danger by being in the type of relationship I was in with Edward. I realized that if we did get married one day and have kids, our kids could end up seeing us going at it like we did. I realized there were a lot of faults in Edward when I had thought that he was once so perfect. So many things had flooded through me and I know it was stupid not to tell Edward how I felt about everything but how could I talk to him and tell him I needed time when I knew he would just come after me like he always did. I had never tried to leave before I knew Edward had issues with that in his life…but I knew. I was stupid and I let this happen on accord of my own stupidity.

"Oh, sweetheart." Rene cooed with tears in her eyes now. She reached out a trembling hand and gently touched my hair as she leaned in carfully to kiss my head. I wondered why she was being so careful with me. She was touching and hold and kissing me as if I were glass or something.

"Is she awake?" Charlie's gruff voice cracked from the doorway. I looked up to see my father holding a couple of cups of coffee, with his face not shaven and wearing an old sweatshirt and jeans, what he would wear fishing or something. He never looked like this. My father had always been the one to hold it together in the family but when I saw him place the coffee's on a near by table and rush to my side, crying as well I didn't understand what was going on. Charlie took my cold hand in his clammy palms and I felt a few warm tears hit the back of my hand.

"Mom? Dad? Why are you guys here?" I asked as I noticed my voice was very horse. It was like I hadn't drank any water for days and I was parched. My mother reached beside me, on a small table next to her and saw she was pouring me a cup of water. I eagerly gripped the cup once she handed it to me and sighed as I felt the cold water run down my throat.

"Baby, don't you remember what happened?" Rene asked caressing my cheek as lightly as a feather touching my skin. I didn't want to talk about what I remembered so I just looked down and nibbled on the edge of the cup I held to my lips and shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't care. Charlie let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head at me.

"Well it doesn't matter. That boy isn't coming near you anymore, Bells." Charlie said retrieving the coffee's from the other end of the room and handing one to my mother as she leaned back in the chair she had been sitting in. Charlie stood next to my bed as he sipped the coffee and my eyes widened in realization.

"W-what do you mean? Where is Edward? Is he alright?" I asked concerned now. That's right! He had been taken away in a cop car after I was put in the ambulance. I looked up waiting for their answer and only saw both of them glaring at me as if I were totally nuts. Charlie was the first to speak up.

"Bella," he said in a gruff tone and slammed his coffee down on the table again. "You shouldn't think about him anymore." he said glancing over to my mother and she gave him a little nod and he continued. So he did.

"Bells, has Edward ever," Charlie said sitting next to me on the bed and sighed before closing his eyes and gripping my hand gently. He continued after a slight pause. "Has Edward ever hit you like this before?" Charlie finally asked and opened his eyes, fury obvious in his face and eyes. I sighed and decided I needed to spill it. Charlie would find out weather or not I told him and honestly I didn't care anymore, if I told them what happened maybe they would tell me where Edward was.

"It was never this bad, dad." I said looking away from my parents and set my eyes to look out the opened blinds over the window, showing Phoenix in all its glory during the night time. Charlie let out a loud growl and stood up off my bed and my mother let out a small sob.

"He has hit you before Bella?" Charlie asked in a louder tone now. I simply nodded and kept my eyes off the both of them, still looking out the window. "Why the hell didn't you come to me? Did you feel like we wouldn't let you come home? Bella we could've helped you, dammit!" Charlie yelled now and I flinched slightly. Charlie had never raised his voice at me before but I knew this would happen once I told them.

"Honey," my mother said through tears now and reached up to touch my hair. I leaned into her gentle touch and she continued. "You could have told _me_." she said sadly. I wanted to cry and I could even feel the tears forming a ball in my throat. I knew it would be coming out soon enough how much all of this had affected me and I hated it. I hated showing how much Edward had hurt me both physically and mentally because it was my choice to stay with him. I had done it because I loved him and I knew sooner or later he would get better and once it got better, he would touch me like my father touched my mother, with love and compassion, not anger and rage. He would kiss me the way Carlisle kissed Esme, with innocence and purity and not just lust or rough passion. But I loved all of those things as well, the roughness and anger all the time. I was a masochist, as I have said before and I enjoyed it sometimes, even. I needed compassion and tenderness too, though.

"Where is he?" I asked now looking up at Charlie. I was begging. I needed to know where Edward was. I needed to apologize and ask for his forgiveness. It was all my fault but I ignored my thoughts for the moment. Charlie was silent for a moment, panting heavily from his fit of rage. I waited for a moment then he spoke in defeat.

"Carlisle made a deal with some country club buddy of his that was going to be the judge for the incident and Edward was sent to Florida for a rehabilitation program or something." Charlie said with his back to me and waved his hand in the air as if it were nothing. I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders and I sighed. Edward wasn't in jail.

"Do you know when he will be coming back?" I pleaded again. This was stupid to ask but Charlie just chuckled darkly, knowing how stupid I was and sighed before speaking in a sad tone.

"Five or six months, I guess." Charlie said gripping his temple and resting his other hand on his waist. "He isn't allowed to see you. And if you decide on putting a restraining order on him, it is valid. He will never come near you again, Bells. And if he does…well, I haven't used my shot gun in a while." he said with a dark snicker. I felt my world start to spin a little at the thought of Edward being shot by my father but I put that aside for a moment. Edward was gone. He'd be gone for almost half a year and I wasn't allowed to even call him. This wasn't fair! Everything had been _my_ fault! MINE!

"B-but it wasn't his fault dad! It was my fault! I made him mad!" I said through blurred vision. The tears were coming out now at the thought of Edward at some stupid rehab center and away from me and our home here in Phoenix. He didn't deserve anything that was coming to him, when it was all my fault. Charlie stared at me again as if I were crazy and then strode over to my side before gripping me gently by my face, both hands on either side of my face, forcing me to stare my father in the eyes.

"Isabella Marie Swan," Charlie never used my full name. "None of this was your fault. Don't you ever say that again young lady. That boy is messed up and needs help." Charlie said letting me go so I could cry into my mother's shoulder. Charlie was just trying to make me feel better. It WAS my fault. I knew that was the truth. "Rene may I see you outside, please?" Charlie asked her gruffly as my mother walked outside the room with him, leaving me there to lay down and sob endlessly.

"She is so broken. I don't know what to do, Rene. I can't get it through her head…" Charlie said in a whisper but I could hear the sadness and strain in his voice. My mother's gentle voice came out like gold to my ears.

"She just needs time to heal, Charlie. Some time apart may help them both. We need to take her to a therapist, that is for sure but it's inevitable. They both love each other and she will go back to him. So all we can do is pray that he gets the help he needs." Rene said as I heard my father sob. I had never seen my father break down before and I didn't need this at the moment. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the sound with my hands covering my ears. A therapist? Time?

None of these things would help me. Nothing would heal me besides Edward…and he was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8. **

**Edward Cullen **

The airplane ride to Florida had been…agony, to say the least. Carlisle had driven me to the Phoenix, Arizona Airport in silence from the jail house. I had gotten all my belongings they had taken from me when I was brought in back and then some, thanks to Carlisle and Esme so conveniently packed me a huge black duffle bag full of basically everything I owned. I had rummaged through the bag while sitting in the car with Carlisle, silence and tension so thick you could cut it with a ginsu knife, and found all my comfortable clothes folded neatly enough to fit my toiletries packed into a gallon sized zip lock bag, a couple pairs of shoes and finally I found what I knew I couldn't let Carlisle see and I knew I would have to thank Esme for later; it was a picture of Bella and I that I had kept on my desk at work. We were laughing, Bella's hands lightly covering my arms that were wrapped around her shoulders playfully. She looked so happy. This small picture held in a simple picture frame almost made me forget what Bella had looked like the last time I saw her. Almost.

"No fraternizing with any of the staff over there, Edward. I don't want to have to go all the way to Florida to come and pick you up just because you were caught making out with some nurse or something ridiculous like that." Carlisle said waving his hand at me dismissively as we drove into line with the traffic leading into the Phoenix airport. I glared at him from the corner of my eye and scoffed for a moment. I had never cheated on Bella, what would make him think I would now?

"I wouldn't do that to Bella." I said as calmly as I could through grit teeth. I was a monster after what I had done, yes, but I wasn't about to pour lemon juice in an open wound. If I cheated on Bella after everything I had put her through, I knew I would feel about a million times worse than I did now and when I told her, if I told her, it would just make her hate me even more than she probably did now. I leaned my head against the head rest at the thought of Bella hating me and I sighed angrily. The anger wasn't towards her, it was for myself. I watched the beautiful blue sky with only a few fluffy, white clouds drifting over the blistering sun every now and then and I thought of what I would do if Bella decided to see me again after I came back. Would she embrace me? No, I decided. She wouldn't. She would be too afraid of me still, she'd probably be afraid of me forever. Would she talk to me about that night? No, I wouldn't either. That's when the one question that mattered most rand through my head and I flinched at the response that might come of it.

_Would she still love me?_

I didn't know the answer to that question, no matter how hard I thought about it. Yes, I loved her more than I could ever imagine but what could I do if she didn't love me back? What could I say to make all the fear and pain both physically and emotionally that I had put her through go away? When Bella and I had first gotten together I thought I could be the type of boyfriend that could be reliable, the type she could cry to and I would be the one to absorb any of her pain and anguish. I wanted to be that person, but instead I morphed into what everyone expected me to be; an asshole. She never cared, though, until the day she tried to leave I guess. She had stuck with me all through high school and college and even when I couldn't find a job and things got really rocky for the both of us with the fighting and financial state we were in, she took it and still loved me as if I were the man who could make her world go round.

"Yes, well, I trust you will behave yourself on the way up to Jacksonville?" Carlisle said looking out the window shield and not at me. His jaw was clenched tightly and I could tell he was probably grinding his teeth in anger while his knuckles turned white from his grip on the steering wheel. I hadn't noticed we were already in front of the entryway to the airport. I gripped the door handle to open the car door and looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"I will." I whispered almost too quietly for him to hear, but he caught it. He didn't even flinch as I got out of the car or shut it but right as I slung the duffle bag over my shoulder and started walking, I heard Carlisle's voice call to me.

"Edward!" I turned in an instant to see Carlisle staring at me sadly now. How did he do that? Stop the anger so quickly. I walked back the few steps and leaned into to open car window. Carlisle opened his mouth as if to say something, his eyes still careful but filled with sadness, then stopped, clenching his jaw. "I put fifty grand in the front pouch of your bag. Don't let security get their hands on it." he finally said not looking at me again, he was staring at the cab parked in front of it. I deserved his coldness. I simply nodded, still saddened by the only form of father I had ever know hating me.

"Tell Esme I send my love." I said softly before he sped off and I was left to go on my own from here.

The plane was filled with couples, as if God himself was out to get me on the second worst day of my life. I was sat in coach between a young couple that looked about the same age Bella and I were when we first started dating. They were kissing every time I glanced at them from the corner of my eye or were making obscene noises. I couldn't help but chuckle at them every now and then. When you're young, everything is so much simpler. There aren't enough worries to make you think past the weekend and if there were, teenage years wouldn't be great. I was okay with the fact that those two were near me but when the next couple came to sit down I almost lost it.

The little family hadn't come in all together, a man about my age, sat down and smiled at the couple beside me, shaking his head before pulling out a newspaper and taking a sip of coffee the stewardesses had given us a few minutes after we had all gotten into our seats, we were still waiting for take off so I chuckled lightly at the man's response and he leaned over before speaking.

"Those were good years, huh?" he said in a gruff voice, his eyes lighting up gently. I looked towards the kids beside us and scoffed for a moment before contemplating my ingenious words.

"They sure were." I said as he shook his head and resumed reading his paper. I was going to lean over to the friendly guy and carry out this conversation when I saw the reason why there were two empty seats beside him. This made my smile and contentment of the moment disappear. A beautiful young girl with a young toddler on her hip came over and kissed the man gently before handing over the child. The man accepted the child happily and allowed the woman to sit down and rummage through a blue diaper bag on the open seat beside her. He bounced the child on his knee as the woman smiled at him adoringly and the child laughed in joy and contentment.

That could've been Bella and I. We could've been the couple that looked at each other adoringly instead of begrudgingly. We could've had that beautiful baby together. We had talked about children, Bella and I, but we weren't even married. We had even talked about the subject of matrimony but she hated the thought of being tied down like that. That made me angry. I didn't think about it anymore but every time I heard the woman laugh or the baby coo in delight, I couldn't help but feel the tears forming into a huge lump in my throat. We could have had it all if I were a different man. A better man.

We had just taken off and I knew I should probably take a nap or something to drown out the _Blast From the Past _on one side and my _What Could Have Been _scenario on the other when I saw the father lean over again, child asleep peacefully over his shoulder, and spoke in a low, happy whisper.

"Those were the good years, man. But these are the _best_." he said smiling at me kindly before returning to talk animatedly with his wife. His words hit my heart life a bag full of bricks. I had to get out or go to sleep or something before I broke down and made a scene, so I pulled my duffle bag from under my seat and ripped open the zipper. I rummaged through it quickly before pulling out what I had been searching for; the picture of Bella.

…

_Behavioral Heath Rehabilitation Center of Jacksonville. _

Yep, even the name would warn outsiders that there were some crazy ass people inside. I was thankful that the cabby who had driven me wasn't exactly the type of person to be judging around here, so I wasn't extremely embarrassed as I paid him and got out of the cab. I had been even more thankful that I had passed out on the airplane ride most of the way. I slung the duffle bag over my shoulder and sighed deeply, exhausted from the trip, my mental state and worrying about Bella.

Florida reminded me a lot of Phoenix, except for the humidity. It was so humid out here you could practically drink the air around you. I looked around the incredibly large and almost normal looking facility and smiled. The center was right on the beach so I could overlook the water whenever I wanted. The place was on these large and really thick stilts, incase of a hurricane or something, giving a distance of five feet between the sand and the house. It was made of entirely white wood with a screen door you could see through, large windows that you could probably see straight through if it weren't for the hurricane shutters and large steps leading up to the front door. The monster inside of me took one look and wanted to hit something, someone, anything for them making me come here. It wasn't fair. I lose my temper one time and…STOP! I knew better than to think like this anymore and soon I felt hesitation set in.

_Do it for Bella. _my subconscious whispered. I could do this for her. I had to. If I ever wanted what that couple on the plane had with Bella I would have to do this for her. I would have to push myself harder than I have ever pushed myself and I would have to open up and show my biggest emotional and physical scars to people.

I could do it all for Bella.

**I hope you liked it! Yay! **

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	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9. **

**Isabella Swan **

It was…unnerving to settle back into my old room in Forks. I hadn't missed the humidity that made my hair frizz into a semi-fro, I didn't make the horrible rain that made my depressed state about a million times worse and I really didn't miss the unavailability of things to keep myself occupied. Yes, I had old class mates here and friends but it had been about six years since I last talked to anyone from high school. I knew Angela had moved to New York for photography school but I hadn't talked to her since freshman year of college. Jessica had runaway with Mike and they eloped in Las Vegas and now she was another knocked up white trash teen in a trailer park. It was sad that once we were actually close but I didn't care at the moment. I was overly shaken about Edward's well-being.

I probably sounded like such a cliché, girl get beaten by her boyfriend then blames herself and only cares about the guy who beat the crap out of her. I knew I was a cliché now because I didn't care about myself. I didn't care about the large black stitches placed neatly on my gash that I could easily hide with my bangs. I didn't care about all the bruises and scars I knew would be permanent on my body. I cared about weather Edward was alright. I wanted him to know it wasn't just his fault.

"We kept it just the way you left it, sweetheart." mom said smiling gently as Charlie set my duffle bag down on the floor of my bed room. So many memories ran through my mind as I settled my eyes on the familiar white walls, dark brown furniture and navy blue colored bed set and matching curtains that covered the little window that I remembered sneaking out of so many times I couldn't count. My eyes rested on a few pictures on my desk after scanning the familiar posters of my favorite bands and I gasped. Charlie rushed to my side as I lifted a hand to my mouth as I felt tears start to burn my eyes.

Right there on my desk, in a gold braided frame Edward had given me on graduation day was a picture of me and Edward at our graduation party. That was when Edward's behavior wasn't so bad and my parents actually liked Edward. Edward and I were smiling with our graduation caps on, thanks to Rene demanding we wear them even though I was wearing a dark blue sun dress and Edward was wearing kaki slacks and a blue button down to match my dress. He was laughing with one arm around my waist and I was too as I looked up at him. It was when we were actually happy. When blows weren't taken, when angry words weren't said and when love was all our relationship was about, not anger and violence. I wanted to get back to that. I wanted to remember what it felt like to kiss Edward and make love to him without anger present. I wanted to remember what he looked like when he stared at me without resentment or hate.

Mom saw what I was staring at and she gasped as well, rushing over to my desk and gathering the picture up in her arms, pressing the side that showed the picture to her chest. I heard Charlie let out a gruff sigh and I began to panic. Rene was about to take it out to throw it away or something when I stopped her, clutching her wrist gently. She looked down at me with confusion clear in her eyes but when she saw the tears falling from my eyes, she hesitantly gave in and handed me the picture. We hadn't said a word but through just a few looks we had said so much. Charlie refused to let me keep the picture but gave in when I started to cry even harder.

"Well," René sighed after I stuck the picture under my mattress and looked back up at her quickly. She was smiling and tired out from putting all my clothes into my already half filled closet and drawers. I had left a lot of things behind when I moved with Edward and had even sold a few of my own things to have enough money for us together in Phoenix. "You're all set, honey." mom said coming over to hug me tightly and kiss my hair as I sat on the familiar bed. "You want anything to eat before you go to sleep?" she asked and I simply shook my head. The memories were finally entering my subconscious and I could feel the tears starting to build up, I just needed my mom out before I let myself collapse.

"Alright, well goodnight, Bella." she said walking out and closing my door behind her. I waited a few seconds then hurriedly scrambled to reach under my mattress. I pulled out what I thought was the picture frame but instead found it was a scrapbook. I didn't remember this well but the front cover was made of dark brown leather with a little wrap around buckle that secured it. On the front it was embellished with navy blue chrysanthemums sewn into the leather. I ran my hand over it gently and sat back onto the bed after retrieving the frame, not looking at it. I sat down on the bed, relishing the fact that my legs were flexible enough to go into Indian style position easily.

I gently unbuckled the cover and smiled at the first picture I saw within the four little black triangles that held the picture in place. It was a picture of Charlie and Rene the day they were married in black and white. Mom was wearing her long white down, starring up at Charlie with adoring eyes as Charlie dipped her and kissed her forehead. They were so young and yet so…in love. It made me wonder if it was normal to go through what Edward and I had been going through for so long. If the love that we shared would come back? Maybe if I had stayed and we weren't hundreds of miles apart then maybe…maybe we would still be okay…or getting somewhere close to it.

The next picture made me smile even wider now. It was a picture, of the day I was born .. Rene was looking down at me in my pink blanket while Charlie kissed her head and it even looked like he was crying as I gripped onto my mother's finger while she stared down at me with so much love I thought I would cry. I flipped the page after page, seeing pictures of me with my family as I was growing up and report cards, mother's day and father's day cards, silly things like that until I came across a picture that made my sobs reappear. It was a picture, close up and in black and white of Edward and I kissing. I remembered this picture. It had been Christmas day and Esme, Edward's mother, had snapped a picture of Edward and I kissing under the mistletoe. I placed my fingers to my lips, remembering the feeling of that soft kiss…the gentleness of that kiss and sighed as sobs erupted from my chest.

I flipped the page to see a picture of Edward and I waving towards Rene as we carried boxes out of my house and tried loading them into Edward's Volvo. Edward was smiling at me as I waved to my mother and for the first time in a long time I remembered what he looked like when he looked at me happily. I was starting to remember so much right now…the feel of his lips when he was actually gentle, the way his hold on me was careful but loving when he held me and not aggressive and protective, and the way he kissed me…I actually remembered the way he used to _love_ me and not _hate_ me. But that was us; hate was us.

Edward and my relationship wouldn't _be_ if it weren't for hate.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

Edward Cullen

The first day wasn't hard at all. The hesitation was there as I walked up to the front door and up those, what felt like, gigantic steps. I took me a few moments and a couple of deep breaths before I could even lift my hand to knock on the screen door but once I did I didn't have to wait even two seconds before it flung open and I was greeted by a pretty girl with strawberry blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail and wearing a simple black scrubs. She was smiling at me gently as she opened the screen door and welcomed me kindly.

"Hello," she said holding the screen door open, allowing the hot ocean breeze to flow through. She was even prettier beyond that screen door but she was nothing compared to my Bella. "I'm Tanya." she continued and scanned me up and down with her eyes before finishing. "I'm one of the nurses here at Hum Bee-" she started but I cut her off.

"Hum Bee?" I asked a little confused. I thought I was at a rehab center. She looked at me as if I were stupid before forming her lips into a little "o" shaped then carefully began explaining. I didn't like this bitch and I knew if she didn't watch her step with me I would be getting very pissy with her, very fast.

"_Human Behavioral _Rehabilitation Center. Hum Bee. It's a nick name some of the members here gave it." she said pulling a strand of hair from her ponytail and started twirling it around her perfectly manicured finger. "It stuck with the staff…and the center." she said rolling her eyes then plastering on another fake smile before speaking again after my glares towards her constant analyzing of my body and face. I had promised Carlisle no fraternizing or whatever word he used but I knew this chick wouldn't be a problem. Bella was the only woman I would ever love.

"Come on in….?" she said giving me a face that was basically asking for my name as she moved so her body was now holding the door open for me and allowing me inside the center.

"Edward. Edward Cullen." I said as I walked in and past her as fast as I could manage. I didn't want to start off bad in my new beginning but I knew this Tanya girl was going to make it very, very hard on me. I could practically feel her eyes boring a hole into my ass and finally when I couldn't take it anymore I turned around and glared at her before I spoke sharply towards her. "Oh, and Tanya," I said coldly but tried to maintain a smile.

"Yeah?" she asked perking up slightly and lightly bouncing on her feet as she stared at me with her nasty dead blue eyes. What could I say? I was a brunette and brown eyes type of guy.

"I'm spoken for." I said walking to what looked like the front desk before I could even bother to look and see what her reaction was. I just heard a soft scoff of anger come from her when I reached the front desk and was met by another woman, but thankfully this one was much older and she bore a wedding ring. Hallelujah! I sat my duffle bag on the spotless white counter and the older woman looked up to greet me with a smile. She was slightly over weight with red hair that was a little too bright but her smile was welcoming and very warm, one thing I needed. Her name tag read: Linda Cope.

"Name, dear?" she asked without even a question of why I was here or what I needed. I must be expected or something. I smiled down at the woman and placed a protective hand over my bag as I spoke in a calmer voice then I had with Tanya.

"Edward Cullen." I said gently now. She smiled as she typed something into her computer than looked up at me again, adjusting her red rimmed glasses.

"Here we are." she said pointing to her computer screen then spun around in her chair after printing something out. She rolled back around and placed the piece of paper in front of me. I looked over the black letters and read the heading: _Schedule for EDWARD CULLEN: Group A. _

Apparently this place had strict rules and expected us to follow a very strict schedule. I read through the paper now, carefully scanning every detail I could fit into my brain and trying to memorize it before the next day.

_Group: _A

_Room: _28 A

_Individual Counselor: _Carmen Denali

_Group Counselor: _Bridgett Carson

_6:30 a.m. : wake up call for all patients _

_6:50 a.m. : breakfast in dining hall for all patients_

_7:30 a.m. : individual therapy with counselor_

_9:45 a.m.: group mediation on patio _

_10:00 a.m. : meds (only if needed before lunch)_

_10:15 a.m.: group counseling with group counselor_

_12: 30 a.m.: lunch _

_1:10 a.m.: down time in rooms_

_3: 30 a.m.: room check _

_4:00 a.m. : health evaluations in nurses office _

_5:15 a.m.: dinner _

_5:55 a.m.: recreational purpose time_

_9:45 a.m.: lights out _

This was going to be just great. I was already starting to miss home and I hadn't even been here but twenty minutes. I already missed coming home to Bella and the way she smelled of strawberries and freesia. I missed our bed and our apartment…but I mainly just missed her. Every time I thought of her, though, I thought of what she looked like on the floor all bloodied and tattered. It was the worst thing I could ever see and yet I saw it every time I closed my eyes. I needed this for me…for Bella…for us.

"Ben, here, can assist you to your room." Mrs. Cope said snapping me out of my own train of thought. I looked to my left, the way she was pointing, and saw an average looking guy; brown hair, green eyes and slight muscle tone. He was my height and maybe a year or two younger than myself. He smiled up at me, wearing light blue scrubs, and came over to smile at Mrs. Cope before waving at me to follow him.

"Thank you, ma'm." I whispered, giving her a little wink as I followed the guy, hearing her laughter in the background.

"Okay, man." he said leading me down different halls assigned with different letters until we reached Hall A and then walked down until the very end. Room 30 A. He pulled out a large set of jumbled keys but managed to find the right one quickly and unlocked the door with ease. "Rules are," he said as I looked around the stale room. White walls, wood floors, a large window with light blue curtains covering them and a single twin sized bed pressed up against the wall with a bed set that matched the curtains. There was a desk on the opposite wall the bed was on and a small closet and drawer on either side of the bed. It was livable and had my own bathroom so I was relieved I wasn't being shoved into a padded room with bars on the window or something. "We got to check your bag, you know. For any form of drugs or alcohol or whatever" Ben said as I threw my bag down for him on the bed. He chuckled at my dismissive attitude and I checked out the view from the window.

I heard Ben unzip my bag and rummage through my stuff, neatly placing all my folded clothes on the bed, searching through the jean pockets and shirts first, then looking through my shaving kit, my shampoo bottles and stuff like that. that's when he lifted up the little frame. He smiled dwon at the picture and looked up at me, showing the picture to me.

"This your girl, man?" he asked grinning up at me innocently. He didn't see anything he liked or anything, it was just an innocent question, which I answered happily.

"Yeah," I said smiling and leaning up against the wall for a minute. "We've been together…seven years now." I said nodding my head. She had stuck by my side for so long and I had done so much to her. I was lucky. Ben nodded and placed the frame down before looking through the pockets and talking at the same time. He was very through but also very respective of my things.

"I got a girl of my own. Been together five years. Proposed on Christmas day last year and got married last spring." he said finishing off my bag and smiling up at me gently. I smiled back and spoke gratefully.

"That's really great. Is it true the first year of marriage is the toughest?" I asked sarcastically and walked a few steps closer towards him from the window. He laughed lightly for a minute then nodded with humor still in his eyes.

"Yeah, man, it is totally true." he said looking up at me with joy still filling his dim, green eyes. "But, you know, if you got the right person as your partner…you make it through." he said a little bit more serious but I could see the love he held for his wife was the same as I felt for Bella. I loved her so much but I couldn't be a Ben…I couldn't be the guy deserved, but I could be someday. I _would_ be.

"Well," I sighed and moved to look at my stuff. "Did I pass inspection?" I asked with a light chuckle. Ben nodded and then looked up at me with seriousness filling his voice.

"You aren't a druggy, that's for sure. All druggies try to smuggle something, no matter what. So that's a done deal. And you definitely aren't a booze drinker, because they always come in so drunk I wind up cleaning the puke off the wood. So what are you in for?" he asked sincerely confused as to what was the reason I was here. I knew, though, that he was going to be here with me for a while so I might as well. Crossed my arms over my chest and sighed deeply before answering.

"Things at home," I started squirming lightly at how awkward it felt to be telling a total stranger this was when I never even told my family what had been going on between Bella and I. "Got too _tough_ between the missus and I…" I said looking off into the distance. When I finally cleared my head I looked up to see Ben staring at me in confusion but somewhere in his mind, a light went off and his face now reminded me of Tanya's "o" shaped face.

"Well," he said clearing his throat and looking down at the floor. "I hope it all works out for you and your lady, man. I'll see you later. Dinner is in the dining hall at five fifteen, if you haven't eaten yet." he said walking out. I said a quick goodbye before starting to get all my stuff situated. I hung my jeans and nicer shirts then threw all the rest of my stuff in the drawer on the opposite wall of the closet. I placed the picture of Bella on the desk along with a couple of other pictures Esme had put in there for me. I threw my stationary set on the desk and a few pens I kept in the side ouch of my bag.

When I was finished and had shoved my bag under my bed I flopped down on the little bed. I decided I wouldn't eat tonight, I wasn't hungry and I really didn't feel like meeting with all the druggies and booze drinkers, as Ben called them, tonight. Instead, I thought of Bella. I thought of what I would tell my person shrink tomorrow and I thought of how I would act around everyone in my group. I wondered how they grouped these groups together. Were they all girlfriend beaters and horrible people? I decided I shouldn't think too far ahead of things I didn't even know about or else I wouldn't even want to get out of bed tomorrow.

I would though. I would get out of bed and do everything on the stupid schedule they had given us for Bella. I would do anything for her because she deserved the best and I was going to have to become the best…for her.

Maybe I would tell that to my shrink tomorrow.

**How did you guys like it? REVIEW KIDS! REVIEW Review!**

**I felt super inspired today and I'm writing like three more chapters as we speak so haha!**

**BTW pple HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!**

**Lots of holiday love,**

**-WbL**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11. **

**Edward Cullen **

Waking up to the smell of Lysol and the feeling of empty arms wasn't exactly what I would love to have woken up to but I knew it was for the best. I usually woke up with Bella in my arms and the smell of freesia and strawberries but I was a great adapter of my surroundings, give me a couple of days and I'd be used to it. I didn't need anyone to come and knock on my door to tell me to wake up that morning, I woke up at six on work days so it was normal for me by now. I had showered, shaved and changed into a simple pair of worn out jeans and a white v-neck when I heard the loud banging on my door.

"WAKE UP CALL! Meet in front of your hall until a nurse comes by to take you all to breakfast." I heard an unfamiliar voice call to me through the door. I heard the repetition of this person's words for every door after mine and after a few minutes of just sitting at my desk and staring at the picture of Bella, praying to her to give me strength for the day, I got up and walked out of my door, my key to my door safely placed into my pocket.

The door next to mine opened as I was locking my door to reveal a really thin blonde girl wearing a long sleeved white shirt and some destroyed jeans. She wasn't pretty but she was okay. She caught a glimpse of me from her side vision but easily walked quickly away from me, never really looking up at me to maintain eye contact or anything. The door on the opposite side opened to reveal a guy around my age, also super thin, with dark black hair, glasses and pasty white skin. He was really lanky and almost sickly looking with the deep purple bags under his eyes. I didn't pay attention for long, though. No matter who I saw here, what I heard or felt…I was here for a purpose and I couldn't let anyone get in my way.

I ate breakfast in solitude, people who apparently had their own cliques in rehab sat with each other and gawked at me or snickered until I finished and stood, throwing my trash away after only eating a bagel and a side of rubbery tasting eggs. It was nothing like Bella used to make at home. She used to spoil me when we first moved in together with pancakes, French toast, omelets…anything I wanted. I shook my head as I walked down the hall, schedule in hand, and tired to find my individual counselors door. Once I found it, near the exit to this place (ironic, huh?), I stopped a few feet away from the door.

_You can't do this. _The little voice in the back of my mind whispered eerily. It was so strange how I knew I could do it but seemingly didn't want to. I was like a four year old child, going back and forth in my decisions.

_You've gone so far already. What would the point be in backing out now? _My other good voice chanted as if it were some mantra. The voice was right, I had done so much already, pumped myself up and I was ready for this. It was as if the past week had caused the whole world's worries on my shoulders and with no one to talk to, maybe I could tell my own shrink how I was feeling about everyone getting hurt around me. How people _died _around me. My own mother…

I was going to sit on the little bench outside the door for a while but as soon as I turned the door opened to reveal a woman I wouldn't even consider being a shrink. I pictured shrink's as little bald men with glasses, festive holiday sweaters and notepads that they constantly scribbled on as I laid on a couch or something. But, this woman wasn't at all what I had expected a doctor to be like. She was nothing less of beautiful with her dark caramel colored hair, dark green eyes with flecks of gold shimmering in the ugly florescent light fixtures above. She was wearing a pair of black yoga pants that cut off at her shins, black flip flops and a bright pink tee shirt that read _Karma's Only a Bitch, If You Are_. I chuckled as she smiled at me warmly before pulling out a bright pink clipboard. Great, a clip board to scribble her notes in on how fucked up I am.

"Hi!" she said peppily, as if she were some cheerleader ready to start a pep rally. "I've never seen you before," she said looking over a paper on her clipboard and running her perfectly manicured finger over it then tapping on it with a smile. "So, either you have figured a cunning way to convince the nurses to never let you come near this wing," she said opening the door as wide as it would go now to reveal her office. It was something you wouldn't expect a shrink's office to look like. Bright turquoise walls with little shelves here and there displaying vases full of pretty little sea shells she must have picked up off the beach, books on therapy, CD's, and even pictures of what looked like family or friends.

"Or you are new." she said smiling at me then placing a hand on her hip and shifting so the door way was open for me to walk through. I didn't quite yet though. I just stared at her in confusion. Was she really my therapist? "So, Mr. Cullen," she said already obviously knowing my name. She chuckled at my expression before finishing her question. "Are you new?" this lady was a smart ass, but hey, I was almost exactly the same way. Maybe we would actually get along.

"Y-yes," I answered hesitantly. "Can I come in?" I asked as I felt my legs start to wobble a little bit. I think she noticed and soon she was giving me a warm smile as she extended her hand towards the inside of her room, a motion telling me to come in.

I walked in without hesitation, letting the light fill in from the large ceiling to floor windows and onto my skin easily warming me up. This place was as cold as a hospital and as sterile as one too. As I looked around the room now, obviously getting a better look than from the outside I smiled as I noticed she had one window open almost all the way, allowing the beautiful sounds of the ocean hitting the water be heard from in here. The door clicked closed from behind me but I really didn't care, the ocean was relaxing me and so was the humid heat that followed in the breeze.

"Please," the woman said as she walked over to a large, white wood rocking chair that looked about a hundred years old. "Take a seat, Mr. Cullen." she was motioning to the light blue couch a few feet behind me.

"Mr. Cullen is my father." I said sitting down now. "Please, call me Edward. I mean you are going to be allowed access into my every thought from today, so might as well get personal now." I said gripping the armrest of the couch. It felt strange telling this to a person I didn't even know. I mean I didn't even know her name yet! I'm pretty sure it was written on the door but I was way too far into my own thoughts to even think about comprehending what it said. She laughed at my smart ass little comment and sighed in joy.

"Yes, well, that's only if you allow me to hear what is in your thoughts, Edward." she said as if we had been friends for the longest time. I scoffed for a minute but then looked up and began to speak.

"What is your name, again?" I asked now sort of skeptical. I thought she may have thought I was crazy about now but she just smiled again and shook her head.

"Dr. Denali, but you can call me Carmen. My patients tend to call me Doc though." she chuckled and tried to make a serious face now, but I could see the pep still in her eyes. "Since we are now on a personal level, as you said before." she tried to mock my voice, sitting in the chair Indian style now, her clipboard resting easily on her thigh. I chuckled at her impersonation of me and shook my head, a little baffled at how weird she was.

"Well," I said lightly sighing. "Can we get started, then?" I asked a little shakily now. I needed to talk and soon she became a bit more serious. Her hands folded together on her lap and I noticed a large diamond planted on her ring finger. She was married. Was everyone in this god forsaken place married and trying to rub in the fact that they actually had their loved ones near? But it made sense, this woman was young and beautiful. Why wouldn't she be married?

"Alright then," she said picking up her clipboard now. "I'm not going to lie, Edward." she locked her eyes with mine and gave me a stare so hard I thought the pressure in the room would crush me.

"You are going to hate me. I am going to ask you things that you aren't going to want to talk about. I m going to force you to think of memories you aren't going to want to remember, but it is all for your own benefit. I read your files and I am aware of your physical abuse towards women-"

"I never did it to anyone else," I said clenching my jaw tightly and gripping the arm of the couch so tight I thought I heard it creak a few times. "Besides her." I whispered almost in physical agony of this realization. I had never felt such anger and hatred towards another woman then I did Bella sometimes but then there was the undying love I had for her. Carmen just nodded, not changing her facial expression and wrote something on her pad of paper clipped to her clip board. I rubbed my hand over my face in stress and sighed, trying to calm myself a bit.

"Why just her?" Carmen asked, still writing quickly but looked up at me with solemn eyes.

I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall behind me. She was right, I did hate her at the moment, but I knew I needed to talk about all these things. It was going to be hard as hell and would feel like I was walking on hot coals but after my feet were burned and scorched at the end of those coals would be Bella and hopefully a huge bucket of ice.

"She," I stopped and took a breath, seeing Bella's face behind my lids. She was so beautiful, her beautiful brown eyes, perfect brown hair and those little freckles that were splashed around her face. She gave me strength when I needed it most.

"She just gets me so mad sometimes. No one ever makes me as mad as she does!" I said in a low growl and hit my fist against the chair cushions. I took another deep breath and kept going.

"She always forgives me though. She never tells me she wants me to stop…its like it never bothered her until the day she tried to…" the words came out so quiet I knew she was the only one who would hear it. "Leave me." I hissed out angrily. The picture of her holding those suitcases over her shoulder, a trait she picked up from me, all ready to leave was forever burned into my brain.

I looked up at Carmen and saw she was just nodding now, not writing.

"So, the day she tried to leave, what happened?" she asked picking up her pen again.

"I don't remember." I felt my body starting to shake in fear of remembering that night, but I knew I needed to force myself.

"What do you mean?" she asked scribbling something down quickly. I shook my head and tried to put it into words. It was hard to even think of what had happened.

"I don't remember hitting her." I said looking down at my bruised knuckles, then continuing. "I just remember seeing her at the foot of the bed and then I blacked out. Then I remember seeing her face…and all that blood." I said feeling the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Edward," she said leaning forward now, sincerity and care in her eyes. "It's not something that is uncommon." she said calmly. How could she be so calm with a man who almost killed someone he loved so much. "Anger is a very powerful thing, and makes a person act involuntarily, but Edward, we need to learn how to control your anger. We need to find out what causes it. Do you have any idea at all what it might be?" she asked interested now and still leaning in to look at me with those concerned eyes.

I thought for a moment. This was such a hard question to answer but as soon as I closed my eyes I knew the answer. I saw Bella's bloodied face, beaten and bruised, large cuts harming her delicate skin and then…I saw the vision of my mother…almost exactly the same but lifeless and cold. I gasped for a deep breath and spoke quickly, scared I might be too chicken shit to spit it out if I didn't right now.

"She reminds me of my mother. My biological mother, that is." I said too quickly, but she caught it. She nodded, as if knowing exactly what I was speaking about.

"I am aware of what happened to your family and yourself, Edward. You don't have to speak about it now but we will speak about it sooner or later." she said nodding at me with a smile. I took a deep breath, relieved at the fact that I didn't have to talk about that night at the moment.

"Now," she said leaning back into the rocker and sighed gently. "Why does Bella remind you of your mother?" she asked finally and wrote something down on her pad. I squirmed a bit at the thought of my mother but I didn't care. For Bella I would do anything.

"She was beautiful, strong but when it came to my father," I said speaking about my mother and scoffed before I spoke my words. "She was weak. She let him beat on her because when she married him, my grandparents disowned her. He wasn't exactly high class like she was, but she still loved him until the day she died. She had me a few months after they got married, things got worse after I was born and without money or a home and a child to take care of…she had to take it." I said flinching at the memory. "For me…" I whispered not even caring if I let this woman see me cry. "And Bella is the same?" she asked not writing anymore.

"Exactly the same." I said wiping the tears away from my eyes at the moment. She was the same. She put up with my shit for so long but still loved me. The room was quiet for a long time and then Carmen spoke.

"I think I know what you do those things to her, even though you know it isn't right." she said casually. It was a miracle and she was acting like it was something as casual as ordering a burger at burger king. She looked up from her notepad and stood up before coming over to sit by me, still about a foot away from me though.

"You do these things to her because it's the only way you were taught to love, Edward." she said smiling at me wryly.

"That isn't true." I whispered to her through a low hiss. She looked at me in confusion, so I elaborated. "My adoptive parents showed me a type of love that could med the soul. They loved each other so much it hurt to watch what my real parents never showed. I grew up with that type of love longer than I grew up with hate." I said turning away in shame form Carmen.

"Yes," she said making me look back at her with a sharp glare, but she was just smiling gently. "But Edward, between the ages of three and six is when a person absorbs and hold the most to ourselves. The things we learn in those few years form us the most. Yes, we gain more as we grow up but those years are vital and those years you suffered the most were the years where you also learned the most on how to act and treat people…" she said patting her hand on mine.

"So…this is all because of him?" I asked referring to my father.

She was practically saying that no matter how much love my parents had given me now, the crap I was put through in my younger years was always going to be there and driving my relationship with Bella.

"I want to do this for her." I whispered through tears now. Everything was hitting me so fast but I needed to speak. "I need to get better so I can go back to her. Love her the way she needs." I said looking up at Carmen. She smiled gently then spoke kindly.

"You can't just do this for her, Edward." she said smiling carefully. "You need to do it to you. You need to do it for yourself so that you _can_ get better." she finished as I nodded, already knowing this. I was doing it for me, but I was doing it for her, just as much.

"Alright then." she said standing up and walking over to her desk and sitting down gently. "That is good enough for today. But I am giving you an assignment, Edward." she said as I looked up at her, confused as to what she was saying. Homework?

"I want you to write a letter to this girl." she said still not knowing her name.

"Bella." I whispered. She looked at me baffled. "Her name is Bella." she smiled gently and nodded towards me.

"Bella, then." she smiled saying my girl's name. "I want you to write a letter to Bella. I want you to write to her and tell her everything you are feeling. I want you to tell her about her parents, even if she already knows about them." she said still smiling. I felt the lump in my throat start to form and I felt my eyes start to sting. How could I do that? How could I even talk to Bella again…I lost all that right.

"I can't garuntee it will get to her, or if she will ever read it…but at least you would have told her." carmen said as I contemplated things for a minute. She may or may not send it to Bella. I nodded at her request and stood up, noticing carmen start to walk towards me now. She held out her hand, smiling in a manner that reminded me of Esme's careful smile and spoke.

"You did great today, Mr. Cullen. I think you will get through this, with time and some effort, it will all be alright." she said patting my arm and smiling at me.

She believed in me. No one, besides Bella, had ever done that. And I highly doubted Bella would even give me that gift anymore, but I would gain it back. I would gain everything back even if it took me a hundred years to do so. I love Bella and that was my driving force.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12. **

**Bella **

It had been a month since Edward had left and to tell the truth, I was dying without him. Okay, I was being totally melodramatic but I didn't care anymore. I needed him and no matter what happened I would always need him. Carlisle and Esme had dropped by a few weeks after Edward had gone off to Florida. Carlisle was there to make sure my stitches hadn't fallen out and somehow Esme had practically forced herself upon him and had made herself perfectly clear that she was going to see me. Esme had always been like another mother to me, not only because during my teen years, she stuck by me and helped me out way more than my own mother ever could. Rene was so sensitive and so naive to what Edward and I were up to. Esme knew what we did though and she was alright with it, as long as we were _safe_ and happy with each other.

"I'm so sorry." she had pleaded with me, caressing and holding my hand lovingly as Carlisle checked my yellowing eye, the wound on my head and the other wounds on my body. I simply smiled up at my second mother and shook my head.

"I'm fine, Esme. Don't worry about me." I whispered gently and tried to endure the pain of Carlisle's warm hands poking at my battered body. They had left shortly before René and Charlie came home form each of their jobs so there hadn't been any tension or awkwardness but now I was home alone most of the time, occasionally getting the call from Rose and Alice or Esme.

I was cooking now, though. Ready for Charlie and René to come home. I was preparing Edward's favorite, spaghetti with egg noodles and more meat than tomato sauce. He had always made a mess when eating this and I smiled at some old memory of him finishing almost a whole pot full of noodles. He had always been such a kid when I made his favorite meals, watched his favorite movies with him or went out on silly dates. Cute things that made my suffering with Edward well worth it.

I was snapped out of my memories by a ring of the doorbell. My head snapped up, half expecting it to be Charlie, but when no one came in I walked over to the door to see who it was. No one was at the door, but I did see the mailman pass by the window onto another house, before I opened the door. I made sure to check the doorway before rushing down the little concrete path and ripping open the mailbox lip. I only expected bills and maybe a magazine or two to entertain myself during the next day or so, but as I read through the names printed on the envelopes I noticed one with my name on it. I read the address it was sent from and gasped.

_Human Behavioral Rehabilitation Center_.

_Dr. Carmen Denali_

Below read the address and zip code, but I didn't care. Why was a doctor sending me this? The bill maybe? I looked around the neighborhood, noticing no one was even home yet, since everyone around this area worked the average eight to five, like my own parents. I couldn't read this out here, so I easily tucked the rest of the mail under my arm and rushed back inside.

I walked over to the kitchen and flipped the stove off before throwing down my parent's mail on the counter so they would be kept occupied while I was upstairs. I rushed up the stairs, letter in hand, two at a time and rushed through the hall, frantic to find my room. Once I reached my room, I ripped open the door and made sure to lock it behind me once inside. Mom and Charlie would probably think I was asleep upstairs if I wasn't downstairs when they came home, because that's what I usually did if I wasn't cleaning, cooking, doing errands or talking to Esme. I had quit my job at my magazine, so I basically had no life here in Forks.

I pulled the letter up to my face and walked over to my bed, easily placing my leg under my bottom before sitting down and reading over the heading one more time. I couldn't wait much longer and now I was carefully prying the lip of the envelope open, trying not to tear into the letter that was concealed below. I was growing impatient, now, and soon I just pulled out the fancy card-stock paper out and felt something drop on my lap as I read the letter before me.

_Dear Miss Swan,_

_I know you may not know me, but I am a therapist here at Human Behavioral Rehabilitation Center. Edward Cullen's therapist. I am aware that by sending you this letter and even mentioning Mr. Cullen's name that I am basically going against everything a therapist should do, but I think you deserve closer…an explanation maybe. I understand you have been through so much and what I am about to say may upset you but I think you may need to put everything aside for a moment and take my request into consideration, if you will. _

_Enclosed inside this letter I have written you is a letter written by Mr. Cullen, himself. It is not a letter filled with excuses or anything like that, because I would have told him to rewrite it, trust me. But it is filled with love, sorrow, explanations, stories and above all…an apology that is well overdue to you, your family, his parents and everyone else he has realized he has hurt. I assigned these letters to him not only because it is a great leap in his recovery but because he wanted to do this. _

_I must admit he misses you a great deal, but I will let him explain that in the letter. Miss Swan, I understand if you never want to read his letter, or if you never want to see him again and so will he, but please take into consideration over the fact that despite the fact that he loves you very much and he his becoming a much better person now, even though it's only been a month, that you need closer and maybe the explanations he gives. _

_Thank you for your time Miss Swan. _

_Sincerely,_

_Dr. Carmen Denali_

I took a deep breath after reading the letter from Dr. Denali and looked down at my lap, seeing a piece of paper folded up with my name printed on the front, obviously in Edward's handwriting. I set down the doctor's letter down on my bed in front of me and with shaking hands…I lifted the note in my lap up to my eye level and felt the lump in my throat start to form and burning tears start to sting my eyes. I felt my fingers shaking even harder as I began to trace the beautiful scrawl that formed my name and sighed as a few tears fell from my eyes. My flimsy fingers opened the flap of the letter and I closed my eyes, remembering what Edward's voice sounds like. It had been so long since I had heard it and now I had a little piece of him right here with me, in this letter.

Here we go. I opened my eyes and began to read.

_Dearest Bella, _

_I don't know where to start but I'm going to try right now._

Yeah he would say something like this and I couldn't help but chuckle a little as I lifted my hand up to my lips and pressed my fingertips to them, trying to stop the trembling and maybe catch a few tears that flew from my eyes wildly, I kept reading though.

_I've been staring at this sheet of paper for about three hours, now, and Carmen, my therapist is getting pretty pissed so I'm just going to start here. _

_You deserve so much Bella but right now all I can offer is this. I'm so sorry. I know, it doesn't even begin to cover the damage I've done to you physically and mentally but Bella I need you to know that I'm not expecting anything from you. I don't expect your forgiveness, your trust or…your love ever again. I don't deserve it at all and honestly I don't mind, I know what I did to you and I don't need any of that. You also need to know that, Bella, none of what happened between us was your fault. It was all mine, sweetheart, and if you ever read this letter, which I'm praying to God you will, I know you will think what I did to you was somehow your fault and it wasn't. I was toxic, Bella, and I still am but everyday I am getting a little bit better. I love you so much and even though you may never love me back the way I love you, I don't care. _

_Now, Doc Carmen told me that I need to explain a few things to you and honestly I agree. I never told you about my past, Bella. About what really happened between my mother and father, but I think that after everything you will know exactly what you've been looking for. _

_My father was a drunk, Bella. Not Carlisle, but my biological father. He was not only a drunk but also a terrible person who beat and eventually killed my own mother. I know, it's a little blunt but I don't know how else to tell you. It's no excuse for anything I have done to you but you need to understand, that was what I was raised around and event though Carlisle and Esme have raised me on love and kindness…my past has really messed me up. _

_I miss you so much, Bella, and I want to come home healthy and the man you need so yes, these times are hard, but don't give up on me yet. Please don't give up on me, baby. I want to be the person you need, the person who can hold you and kiss you and just love you the way you need. _

_I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. I want to make this work, marry you one day and I want you to have my children and I want you to grow old and grey with me, but I understand if you never want to see me again or read this but there is one more thing I want to say. Thank you for sticking by me all these years, and even after all those years, without having to be asked or forced, you loved me unconditionally._

_I love you, I love you, I love you. I miss you…please don't give up on me, baby. Not yet, not when we are so close. Just have a little faith in me. _

_Yours Forever, _

_Edward A. Cullen_

Tears were flowing out of my eyes so fast and so furiously I could hardly see any longer. I clung to the sheet of paper as I attempted to lay down and closed my eyes as I allowed his words to press though my heart. How could I not forgive him? Yeah, my parents had forced me to go to some shrink and he was helping me out a lot…but I couldn't heal without Edward. I had memories of him, a shirt of his my parent's accidentally packed withal my stuff that still had the smell of him on it but I knew it wasn't him and nothing compared to the real Edward and even though that was only words on a piece of paper and not him…I could feel how much he was changing.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie's voice call from downstairs. I didn't make a sound for a few minutes and even though Charlie didn't come up to check on me, I was relieved. I rushed over to my desk as fast as I could without making a sound, picked up a pen and paper from my stationary set and began to write.

**It's short, I know but I hope you guys liked it! Tell me if Edward's letter was too…weird or mushy or not enough mush and Bella will be writing him back…I'm kind of wanting to go into that Dear John-ish type stuff. **

**REVIEW PEOPLE!**

**-WbL**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13. **

**Edward Cullen **

It had been a month since I had written that letter and with no idea if Doc Carmen even sent it I was kind of freaking out. What if she did send it and Bella just refused to read it, or what if she didn't send it and Bella would've read it and maybe came to forgive me but didn't know how to respond. Doc defiantly wasn't any help either, not telling me whether or she sent it. I was going _crazy_ without knowing and she would just tell me "You'll find out soon. I promise." Well she had been saying that promise for the past month. Didn't seem like soon was coming fast enough.

"Hey Edward." I heard Lauren Mallory's raspy but gentle voice call as I sat on the sand, trying to write another letter I could possibly send myself, without Doc Carmen's help. The beach was two steps away from the rehab center and Doc Carmen knew I wasn't going to run or anything, so I was allowed to come out here a lot. I looked up from my note book and smiled up at my neighbor gently. Lauren's room was right next to mine and we talked sometimes, not just because we had semi similar stories but because sometimes she actually made me feel…normal. Something I only thought Bella made me feel like.

"Hey Lauren." I sighed and looked over her. She was wearing these short blue shorts that showed all her deep scars on the front of her upper thighs. Yeah, I knew she was self conscious about them but I didn't care at the moment. Lauren had been a victim of physical abuse. Her husband, Tyler, had tried to kill her and tortured her for six days, thus the scars and how she acted. She had been at Hum Bee for a few more moths than me but she was also in for a longer time. She had killed her husband and…Lauren had a lot of trouble coping with that. It was self defense, but you could tell just by looking at this girl, that she wasn't the type to kill someone out of revenge.

"Um…Doc Carmen was calling you over the intercom. I think your parents sent a package or something because it's mail day." she said burying her feet deeper into the sand and diverting her eyes back down to her feet. It had taken Lauren a long time to even speak to me, after knowing the reason I came here. I think she even requested a room change since she really couldn't stand to even be fifty yards away from me. I didn't blame her but as treatment went on she grew to trust me more and more and now she was one of m great friends here at Hum Bee. Ben was another one of my really great friends, as well. He was also my orderly, thank God, and not Tanya.

"Oh, okay. Thanks Lauren." I said getting up and starting to walk back to the center, when I noticed she didn't follow. She was still standing there, glaring at her feet with her blonde hair creating a curtain around her face. I wondered, all the time, if Bella had turned out to be like Lauren, secluded, untrusting and shut off from the world. If I went back and saw Bella like that…I think I'd die.

"You coming, Blondie?" I asked playfully, using my nickname for her. She looked up and gave me a small, but saddened smile before shaking her head before turning back to look at the ocean.

"No." she answered, giving a small huff of air. "I think I'm just going to sit and here and think for a bit." she said sitting down in the sand Indian style. I smiled at her wryly before nodding and starting to walk back to Hum Bee.

Once I made my way up the stairs and back into the center I was automatically met by Ben. He was grinning ear to ear, not in his usual scrubs, but in his tee shirt and jeans. I smiled and walked over patting my friend on the back in our usual guy hug. It was Ben's day off and I didn't know why he was here when he could be at home with his wife.

"Hey, man! What are you doing here? It's your day off!" I said pulling away from the hug and looking over him. I wasn't used to seeing him looking…normal. He chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Doc Carmen called me and asked me to be here for you." he answered in a sort of confused tone. I had told the dear doctor that me and Ben had become really great friends and she was pleased by this, noticing how well I was coming along.

"Well Lauren said I got a package from my parents. Maybe you're here to wipe away my tears!" I joked playfully and socked his arm lightly. He laughed and patted my shoulder.

"I don't think it's just-" he started but was cut off by a familiar voice.

"Edward!" Doc Carmen said rushing out with a box in her hand with a paper stapled to the top of it. Yep, definitely a package and knowing Esme, it was probably filled with things I needed or wanted. I noticed the box was already searched through because of the open flaps on top but I didn't mind, it was their jobs to do it.

"Here!" she said shoving the box into my arms eagerly. Ben let out a soft chuckle and I looked down at the box before walking over to Mrs. Cope's counter and started to pull out things placed in the box. Why had Doc Carmen called Ben if all it was, was a few things from my folks? Why was she so eager to give me the box? Was this like a new form of therapy or something?

I pulled out a few sweatshirts,-I would have to thank Esme for those later, it got pretty cold around here at night-a couple pictures of the family, a new stationary set and finally as I felt through the box I only felt one thing left. It felt like a stack of papers or something but as I looked up at Doc and Ben I noticed they were both practically bouncing in excitement. I pulled out the last thing in the box and gasped at what I saw. It was two or three envelopes held together by a thin rubber band. I didn't hesitate for one more second as I smiled up at Doc Carmen and she squealed in delight.

"You sent them?" I asked pulling off the rubber band. She clapped her hands together and smiled as she jumped up and down like the ex cheerleader she is.

"Yeah," she sighed calming down a bit and blushed a little. "I had been contemplating on sending them for the past month and then I decided you are well enough now and Bella and your parents have had enough time already…so I sent them a few days ago." she smiled up at me. That made me stop my movement. I had written those letters almost a month ago and she JUST sent them? I thought I would be angry at her, like the old me would have been, but instead I just laughed and rolled my eyes before looking at the first letter. It was from my parents.

"Hey, Ed." Ben said planting his hand on my shoulder as I read the familiar address of my hometown. I guess I looked a little frightened or something because he patted my shoulder blade reassuringly before speaking quietly. "You should probably sit down, man." he said in a more serious tone. I took a large and audible gulp before nodding my head and carrying the letters with me to sit down in the little lobby area a few feet away, Doc Carmen and Ben right on my heels. As I sat down on the blue and comfortable couches I could feel the tug at my heart as Doc Carmen and Ben sat beside me, reassuring me that they would be here.

"It's alright, Edward. No matter what those letters say, they love you unconditionally." Doc Carmen said patting my hand gently and smiled as I felt the lump in my throat begin to cause tears in my eyes. " I know they do." her eyes gleamed with faith, hope, reassurance, love and care. She was here for me and so was Ben, which made this experience feel like a lot less than it did a month ago. I wasn't alone anymore, I wasn't crazy and…I was getting better, for Bella.

"Okay," I said clearing my throat and ripping off the lip of the envelope that held my parent's letter. "Here goes nothing." I whispered before pulling out the letter and reading what Esme had written.

_My Dear Edward,_

_Hi honey. I know, I know, don't call you nicknames, but…I miss you terribly Edward. You are my only son and no matter what you've done or said to me throughout your life, you will always be my son. This is a strange way to start a letter, I know this as well, but I think you needed to hear that. Edward, you are the best person I have ever known in my entire life. You have been through things some people would have died from and on top of that you still find the time to love us…and Bella._

_You may be thinking I'm lying or just trying to make you feel better but Edward I'm not. I'm speaking the truth, dear. I remember your first Christmas with us. We wanted to go to Christmas mass and you through a fit, saying that we couldn't because you didn't believe in God. I will admit, Carlisle and I doubted keeping you then, but something happened. Do you remember that? You were so little and yet…so damaged and voided of any hope or faith…but later that day, after locking yourself up in your room you came down the stairs dressed in your Sunday best, crying, and begged us to take you to church with us. Carlisle was so worried about you but I just smiled because I knew…I knew you were capable of faith and love and hope. It showed in your eyes as I held you when you cried that day and I saw it when you prayed so hard your little hands were red from clutching your hands together so hard. _

_Edward, no matter what you've said to me, no matter what you do in your life, I will always love you. I know I'm not your real mother, but I consider you my real son. I love you so much Edward as does Carlisle…and Bella loves you too. Very, very much. We all love you…and miss you and no matter what you will have a home here with us. _

_I love you, sweetheart. _

_Love always,_

_Esme Cullen_

I could feel the lump in my throat grow solid as a rock in my throat, making it almost impossible for me to breathe as tears started to pour from my eyes. Doc and Ben patted my back after reading it along with me and I began to speak.

"I was such a horrible son to her all those years." I sobbed as I placed the letter in my lap and let my head fall into my hands. "I would scream and kick and lash out at her when all she wanted to do….was love me." I said guiltily as they tried to calm me and tell me it was alright. They let me weep for a few moments before Doc Carmen reached up and placed a hand over my own. I looked up to see her staring at me sternly but still caringly.

"You need to read the next one." she said gently pressing the other, unopened letter into my palm. I shook my head, getting myself ready and looked down to read who it was from. I think I expected this one to be from Carlisle or something because as I read who it was from and ran my fingers over the familiar scribbles it was written in, I couldn't help but feel my heart drop to my stomach. I looked over at Ben and he smiled at me, gently and reassuringly. He had known. I looked over at Doc Carmen and she gave me a small grin.

I looked back down at the letter and smiled wryly before opening the envelope and unfolding the letter inside. I wanted this for so long and now I was finally going to know what was going to happen. She could hate me. She could be with another guy. She could be hurt or in physical pain from what I had done to her. I don't even know the extent of the injuries I had put on her. I took a deep breath before closing my eyes and then…took a leap.

_Dear Edward, _

_I'm going to steal a line from your last letter, so don't get déjà vu or anything. I've been staring at this piece of paper for a while, now…not knowing exactly what I should be saying to you, not knowing if I should even be writing you at all, but I can't not write you back after everything we've put each other through. So here it goes. _

_You said in your last letter that you didn't deserve my trust, my respect…my love. And you're right. You don't deserve it. You also said you'd work for it back, and you are right, you will work for it back…but Edward there are some things you need to know. I haven't forgiven myself for not talking to you about leaving before I did what I did but I also haven't forgiven you for everything you've put me through these past six years…but you also need to know that no matter what you do to me, you could break every bone in my body and stab me a million times in the heart…but I'd always love you more than you will ever know. I love you._

_I want you to succeed in getting better Edward, and I have to admit…I'm getting some help too, but Edward I miss you more and more everyday. It feels like you've taken my heart with you to Florida and I don't want it back. I love you so much and Edward I want you to know….I will never ever give up on you. You are the one person I want to be with for the rest of my life but I want to be held and kissed and looked at without resentment and hatred. I want your love and not your blows. So here it is. I want you to come back home to me when you feel you can give me just that. I love you Edward and you can keep my heart with you everyday for the rest of your life, but on one condition. _

_Write me. _

_Write me everyday, Edward. Write me even if it's just about how your day went. Write me about the weather or how the Center is. Tell me about Florida and how your therapist is. Just write me, my love. I love you with everything I have and I can't wait to hear from you. _

_I love you, I love you, I love you. Come back to me._

_Yours forever,_

_Isabella Swan _

I held the letter to my chest, practically willing her to form from this little piece of paper. I love her and I would write her everyday from here on out, until the day I came back home to her. I lifted a hand to wipe away the tears from m face and sighed before looking up at Doc.

"You will write her, everyday." she said patting my back and giving me a little smile. "And that is your homework for the rest of your time here." she got up now after finishing and beginning to walk away when I called out to her.

"C-could Bella and my mother…maybe visit me sometime. Bella would love Florida and-"

"Edward," she said cutting me off and giving a sad little stare. "I think it would be best if you both just wrote each other for the time being. The time apart has helped you and sounds like it has helped her heal as well. We will discuss it towards the end of your treatment, but I think your reunion would be best saved for when you return back to your own home with her." Doc Carm said gently smiling at me. I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try.

"I'll se you later, man. I got to get back home to the wife." Ben said standing up and smiling at me. I looked up at him and smiled back, happy for him.

"How is your wife, man?" I asked standing up as well, ready to walk back to my room and maybe take a nap or something. He beamed at this question and chuckled before shaking his head and shoving his hands into his pockets.

"We found out that we are pregnant, Ed. She's only a few weeks in but…we have been trying for sometime now and…we are both so happy." he said smiling up at me with that light in his eyes that I wanted so badly again in my own eyes. I smiled at him and congratulated him.

"I'm happy for you, Ben. You're gunna be a great dad." I said before we said our goodbyes and I walked to my room. I was changing, and I knew it. I could feel the light coming back into my life as I learned how to heal and forgive but I knew that I wouldn't be fully healed until I had the biggest light in my life back…Bella.

Once I made it to my room, I locked myself inside and went straight to my desk, writing my very first official letter to the light of my life.

**YAYYYY! I cried writing Bella's letter so you people better cry too! Haha! Jk!**

**I hope you guys liked it. Okay so I need some help. **

**Do you guys want a chapter about Bella in therapy, like the one with Edward and Doctor Carm, do you want more letters, do you want phone calls or what? Just tell me what you want and I shall appease!(:**

**Do you guys like Doc Carm? Tell me in the reviews!REVIEW REVIEW REIVEW!Lots of love,**

**-Wolfie**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14. **

**Isabella Swan **

"_YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME!" Edward's smooth voice screamed at me as I lay on the floor, unable to move. I couldn't tell him to stop, plead with him. I was just…there. I could feel the pain of the blows his fists were inflicting on my sensitive skin, I could hear his ragged breath and I could feel my heart beat starting to speed up at an alarming rate. _Please Edward_, my subconscious begged, _please stop this! I know you can! _I had always held faith in my heart for Edward, even when no one else had faith in him, I did and right now I was holding onto this faith I had in him like a prayer that would surely be answered by God. _

"_You will not leave me!" he roared again but his tone was becoming much more distant now, almost as if he were going cold as his blows became harder and harder into my stomach now. I could feel every blow hitting me harder and harder, knowing something-besides the obvious-was utterly wrong here. I couldn't scream but as I looked down, numbly and still unable to move, I could see the blood. _

_The blood between my legs…_

_Edward's once glowing green eyes that were filled with rage were now pitch black…no mercy anymore as his fists pummeled into me as if I were a mere punching bag, not a person. The blood was pooling faster and in much more amounts as Edward cackled out and gave me a wicked grin, finally ceasing his blows. I blinked as Edward's smile grew wider now and he spoke in a voice that wasn't his. _

"_I. Will. Kill. You." his voice was raspy and unrecognizable…the devil himself and that's when I noticed it…I was covered in blood from hip to toe. _

I shot out of bed, awakened by a terrifying and bloodcurdling shriek but as I looked around my darkened room, only being slightly lit from the full moon shining outside my window, looking to see where the horrible sound was coming from, I noticed it was coming from _me_. My breaths were uneven and ragged as I panted and tried to regain some sort of stability but was interrupted by my door being kicked through.

Another shrill scream erupted from my throat as I lurched out of bed and ran to my opened closet, shrinking back against the nearest wall. Where am I? What did I do this time? EDWARD NO!

"Bella?" I heard a familiar and gentle voice called worriedly from in front of me but I didn't look up.

_Blood…so much BLOOD!_

"Bella, honey-" a hand reached out to me through the darkness.

_YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME!_

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I heard myself scream as the hand flinched away automatically. I couldn't breathe, my chest heaving uncontrollably and my body shaking so fiercely I could hardly make out anything from in front of my eyes. I couldn't make out where I was much less who was here before me.

"BLOOD! STOP IT! STOP THE BLOOD_, PLEASE_!" I tried rocking myself as I hit my fists against the floor beneath me, my words came out shrill and raspy as I tried to control my breathing, it was impossible…but that's when I felt those gentle hands. Nothing like the way Edward used to touch me. The grip on my shoulders were calming yet stern, causing my shaking to cease and finally I could see clearer.

"It's me! It's mom!" Rene finally shouted out in a hard tone. I knew I needed to focus and as I willed my vision to clear I could finally make out the person before me.

Rene's face was ashened and full of torment as her eyes held nothing but fear in them. She was wearing the floor length, silk robe she had been wearing since I was four and her deep mahogany locks that mirrored mine were tangled and disheveled, obviously she was tired but the fear that held her gaze to mine is what caused to awaken from this nightmare.

"M-mom?" I whimpered, feeling the burning tears start to pool up into my eyes. I couldn't handle everything that had just been laid out before me and now as I stared at my mother, I felt myself break down into her welcoming arms.

My mother didn't speak as she clutched me to her chest, my face placed in between the crook of her neck. Her hold on me spoke a thousand words; _I'm here. I love you. It's alright. _All the things I would've hated to hear from her at the moment and thanked god she didn't. She just rocked me in her arms and stroked my hair the way she used to when I broke down as a child, for whatever reason. Charlie was the utter opposite, caring but never showing how he felt towards me. My mother understood him but I couldn't sometimes.

As soon as I felt as if it were physically impossible for me to shed anymore tears at the moment and my breaths were reduced to minor hiccups here and there, I felt my mother pull me upright to a sitting position. Her eyes held nothing but love and understanding as she bored her own brown orbs into mine. Looking at Rene was like looking into a mirror in twenty years from now, and at the moment I wondered if I looked in the mirror right now…would I see the love she held forever in her soul, or just the bitter numbness I held in mine.

_…_

I stared at the envelope in my hands at the moment, wondering if I should open it or not. Just seeing his name scrawled across that envelope in his handwriting made the visions of a few nights ago float through my mind viciously.

It wasn't fair that I had to endure these things and he didn't…or did he?

_You shouldn't open it_, my subconscious screamed at me, begging me to halt and consider the actions I was thoroughly contemplating in my mind.

_I ASKED him to write me though_, I tried to fight back. It was true, I HAD asked him to write me, everyday until he came home to me. But could I handle it after everything I had just gone through? I have to…maybe I could even tell him about the nightmares. I had already told my shrink that Charlie and René have been forcing me to see ever week on Friday's-which reminded me I needed to head out for his office in an hour so if I wanted to write Edward back I would need to make it fast. It had taken me hours to write Edward back that first time and now I knew it would probably take me longer.

I ripped open the envelope as I walked back inside, my heart climbing into my mouth, and started to read his child like scrawl across the paper as I walked back into the house to grab my keys.

_Dearest Bella,_

_How could I have been such a…I was terrible to you and even though I hurt you so much in everyway you still haven't given up on me. I'm pretty sure Charlie has, though, huh? I don't blame him. You deserve so much more than me and I know it. I can't be away form you, though. I just love you too much to even think of that possibility. I'm a selfish monster, I know but Bella, please believe that I love you. _

_Anyways, doc Carmen, my shrink, has officially set me up with my own email account that I am only allowed to use from this facility. Strange, I know, since I already have my own email back at home but oh well. Whatever that woman says goes. You told me to write you back so here I am. I don't really know what to say and yes I am all over the place right now but I have an explanation for that…I'm nervous. Yes, I'm nervous. I don't want you to hate me…or be scared of me and I want you to know I love you more than anything in this world. _

_I wish you could come to Florida, you'd love it here! The good doctor says it's way too soon though. It's really humid but the beach is like two steps away from the center and Doc even lets me go out like all the time. But every time I step foot onto that sand…all I think of is that I'd rather you be sitting right next to me on that sand than some crumb seeking seagull. _

_I miss you so much it hurts. I miss your smile and I miss your laugh…I miss waking up and sleeping next to you. I miss your cooking-because all they serve us here is crap-and I just plain out miss you. But most of all…I miss our home together. I don't mean Phoenix, I mean I miss just being able to see you everyday and watching TV with you and hearing you sing stupid little pop songs in the shower every morning…little things like that made it a home. YOU made it a home. _

_I love you so much and I can't wait for your next letter…or email! Haha! I love you, I love you, I love you. _

_Sincerely,_

_Edward Cullen_

I smiled at how out of whack he seemed. It was like I was getting my old Edward back and just seeing his soothing words on this paper made the vision I had of him from that dream a few nights ago fade away in an instant. It wasn't forgotten, no, but it was put to ease at the moment.

I walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up the keys to my poor old truck I had left back here in Forks and shoved Edward's letter into my back pocket. As I made sure to lock up the house before walking towards my truck I thought of Edward. The first time I met Edward and how utterly ugly we had both been to each other and for a moment I remembered my old self. The person I used to be…beautiful, confident and strong. Had Edward beaten that person out of me? Even while I was with Edward I was stronger than I am without him. I used to be the type of girl that thought those woman on the Lifetime movies were stupid, refusing to leave even if they had kids. But I understood them now! I understood their all their pathetic reasons and no desire for leaving. No matter what they did to us, no matter how bad things got, we still loved them, as pathetic as that sounds. We would forgive them because love, though making us blind and stupid, would always make the good times we had with them out weigh the bad. It was as simple as that.

As I pulled out of my drive way I decided I needed to think about who I was now. Was I that girl that everyone thought had it all? Or was I just another white trash chick from Forks who gets beat on by her boyfriend?

Who am I?

**Hope you guys liked Edward's sort of whacky letter. I made him kind of all over the place because he's nervous, you need to remember he hasn't seen Bella in a little over a month and he's kind of forgotten who and what she is like. **

**As for Bella's soul searching…that's going to be going on for a while. **

**I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE BELLA PREGNANT!…I don't want her to be that barefoot and pregnant girl who gets beat on by her no good hubby. Maybe in like the last few chapters I will CONSIDER it but you guys need to consider that Edward had a rough child hood and it would probably throw him off his rocker since he has some skeletons in his closet and he needs to recover, as does Bella. **

**Anyhoo…tell me how you guys liked it! **

**Reviews are better than letters from Edward telling me the L word a million times!…okay no they aren't but they are right up there!**

**Lots of love,**

**WbL**


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